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Attachment Styles: Understand Why We Connect the Way We Do

Understand your connection with people and also their connection with you. Attachment Styles go both ways.

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Attachment Styles, Children, Styles, Relationship,

  You may wonder from time to time, why am I built this way? Why am I so bothered by my connection with others? Why am I so unbothered with the way I handle my relationship? Why do I behave this way with my closest person? Why am I so attached to them? Why can’t I handle it if I have a conflict with my partner? And many many more. The answer to all of these questions arises from the kind of attachment style you have with people. An integral part of every interpersonal relationship is to understand the kind of attachment style each person holds in the relationship. 

    Attachment Styles are patterns of behaviour that develop during early childhood and influence the way we connect with others in close relationships. They are formed based on the relationship with our primary caregivers, typically, our parents. The way they respond to our needs defines our basis of attachment style and shapes our expectations in future relationships. Understanding our own attachment style becomes crucial to help develop a sense of our own behaviour with others, provides an insight of our behaviour to others and also forms a bridge of communication between yourself and your loved ones.

The Experiment

The Attachment theory originates from the research initiated and experimented by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Both believed that the primary caregiver forms a crucial role in shaping the child’s personality and character. While the initial attachment theory was suggested and explained by Bowlby with the types- secure, anxious-ambivalent, disorganized, and avoidant, Ainsworth’s famous experiment in 1969 called “The Strange Situation” built the basis of the four attachment styles that we know of today. 

   In the experiment, “The strange situation”, there are several phases in which the child’s reaction is recorded. In the study, babies and their birthing parent played in a room together. The parent leaves in between and returns after a few minutes. Further, the parent leaves soon after, during which a stranger also enters the room. The reaction of the child during the few minutes in the absence of the parent and also the reaction and interaction with the stranger, with and without the parent  is monitored and labelled with a certain attachment style based on the behaviour of the child. There is also a second separation episode where the child is left with the stranger and then later reunited with the parent. Therefore, the study is an intricate study of the relationship between the child and the parent, which resulted in the development of attachment styles of people. 

Based on the experiment by Ainsworth, the four attachment styles developed are what we follow today and applicable to most people are as follows. 

Types of attachment styles

Secure Attachment Style

This attachment style was developed when the child in “the strange situation” seemed comfortable during the absence of the parent and also in the interactions with the stranger. The children who have primary caregivers with responsiveness and stayed available to the child possessed the security and stayed attached at an optimal level. An example of this would be when in a relationship, a person resolves conflict in a healthy way, communicates with their partner, forms a resolution, gives space for the other person and also self-regulates themselves emotionally and mentally. 

Anxious Attachment style

People with Anxious attachment style crave intimacy but often mistrust others. An example of an anxious attachment style would be when in a relationship a person would seek constant reassurance from their partner and exhibit actions like excessive calling, mistrust and wanting attention. Based on “the strange situation” experiment, children who developed the anxious attachment style cry in response to their parent’s absence and also have difficulty adapting to the change of environment. 

Avoidant Attachment style

Sarah and Brad are dating. Brad starts introducing Sarah to his close friends and spends more time with her. He is enthusiastic about being together with Sarah most of the time. But, Sarah, having an avoidant attachment style actively avoids plans with Brad by cancelling them or making excuses about having to do other things. She feels overwhelmed with the pressure Brad displays and does not communicate it with him and instead avoids meeting him and having conversations about them. This displays that discomfort of intimacy, preferred independence, suppression of emotions are characteristics of avoidant attachment style. Furthermore, in the experiment, the children with avoidant attachment style exhibit behaviour that seems like they’re indifferent to their parent’s absence, limit their exploration of the environment and seem dismissive of their parent’s return as well. 

Disorganized attachment style

Children with disorganized attachment style presented in “the strange situation” with inconsistent and contradictory behaviours. It has been observed that these children might approach the caregiver upon reunion but then become withdrawn, confused or even fearful. For example, a daughter of a parent who exhibits qualities of disorganized behaviour has the same tendency to behave with her best friends. She has a push-pull tendencies with her friends, where she’s sometimes really nice with them and sometimes she’s avoidant. People with disorganized attachment style tend to also have emotional distance with others, sabotage closeness even when enthusiastic about it, unpredictable, and also fearful of abandonment and engulfment. 

   In conclusion, attachment styles may be helpful in understanding your own personality and reactions but it does not define your entire self. In accordance with your style, you can also help yourself in improving your relationships with others and make yourself secure with your interactions. You may also display several styles in different situations, therefore acknowledging the importance of knowing your own strengths and weaknesses with respect to attachment styles can help you grow into a better human being.

Editor's Pick

Mulk Raj Anand: The Voice of Indo-Anglian Literature

The pioneer of Indo-Anglian literature, Mulk Raj Anand, shed light on the marginalised and redefined English writing in India.

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Anand , Mulk Raj Anand, literature, India, indian, writer, social

Indo-Anglian literature stalwart Mulk Raj Anand (1905–2004) gave voice to the unheard and unseen lives of India’s underprivileged. Known for his unflinching portrayal of caste oppression and poverty, Anand is a literary giant who fused storytelling with social activism. His works, including Untouchable, Coolie, and Two Leaves and a Bud, remain testaments to his commitment to justice, compassion, and humanity.

Early Life and Education

Born in Peshawar into a Hindu Khatri family, Anand’s youth was steeped in India’s rigid social hierarchies. He was a brilliant scholar who graduated with honours in philosophy from Khalsa College, Amritsar. He went to England to study at the University of Cambridge, where he earned a PhD and wrote his thesis on the great philosopher Bertrand Russell. During his stay in London, he was introduced to the Bloomsbury Group, a group of intellectuals and writers. These friendships would eventually mould his writing career and guide his humanistic principles.

A Social Activist

Anand’s writing career started when he lost a close family member to suicide because of caste oppression. This gave him the strength to tell the world about the unpalatable realities of Indian society. His first novel, Untouchable (1935), chronicles a single day in the life of Bakha, a Dalit toilet cleaner, and gives an accurate view of caste atrocities. With an introduction by E.M. Forster, the novel became an international success for its bold narrative and linguistic ingenuity, blending Punjabi and Hindi idioms with English.

Anand’s Coolie (1936) cemented his reputation. It deals with the problem of exploitation and dehumanisation suffered by Munoo, a young boy. In Two Leaves and a Bud (1937), Anand exposed the situation of the tea plantation workers under the colonial regime and made literature a tool for resistance and reform.

A Life of Engagement

While Anand’s novels brought empathy, his activism consolidated his will to change. In London, during the Indian independence movement, he cooperated with leaders like V.K. Krishna Menon and produced propaganda to support India’s freedom struggle. He also participated in the Spanish Civil War against fascism and on behalf of working-class movements worldwide.

Anand’s literary career was intertwined with his political views. Being one of the founders of the Progressive Writers’ Association, he believed in literature as a tool for social justice. His belief that politics and art cannot be separated is the guiding principle for all writers to address systemic inequality.

Back to Roots

In 1947, in post-independence India, Anand returned as a literary and cultural figure. He settled in Pune and started a cultural magazine, Marg, to explore India’s artistic and architectural heritage. His later works include The Private Life of an Indian Prince (1953) and the autobiographical Seven Ages of Man series, which reflects his personal and spiritual evolution. Anand also lectured widely; he admired Mahatma Gandhi and Rabindranath Tagore and was a keen advocate of intercultural dialogue.

Legacy and Influence

Anand’s influence extends beyond his books. His integration of Indian idioms into English enriched global literature, making him a pioneer of a distinctly Indian voice in English writing. Often likened to Charles Dickens, he wielded his pen to critique social injustices and colonial oppression. His enduring works resonate with readers for their realism, empathy, and timeless relevance.

Recognising these contributions, Anand was rewarded with the Padma Bhushan, one of India’s most prestigious civilian civil services. A few decades after his passing, his legacy as an activist in the literary scene and humanism continues to inspire. His writings remind people of how literature can challenge norms, inspiring progress.

Mulk Raj Anand’s life was a testament to the fact that art can spark change when given a purpose. His words captured the struggles of the marginalised and turned their silence into stories that refuse to be forgotten.

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Beyond Distraction: Cultivating a Focused Life

Why is it so hard to focus in this distracted world? Understand the psychological background, the strategies to overcome it and more!

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concentration, culture, attention, focus

   In a world where distractions are ubiquitous, improving focus and concentration has become a vital skill. Whether it’s the constant buzz of notifications or the pressure of multitasking, our ability to sustain attention is under siege. This article delves into the psychological foundations of focus, explores strategies to enhance concentration and examines how cultural influences shape our relationship with attention. 

Understanding Focus and Concentration: A Psychological Perspective 

   Focus and concentration are rooted in cognitive psychology. Focus is the selective attention to a specific task or thought, while concentration is the sustained ability to engage with that task over time. These abilities are governed by the brain’s prefrontal cortex, which plays a critical role in executive functions, including decision-making, impulse control and goal-setting.

Psychologists often differentiate between two types of attention:

  1. Voluntary Attention: The deliberate effort to focus, such as reading or solving a problem.
  2. Involuntary Attention: The automatic response to external stimuli, like a loud noise or flashing lights.

Factors Affecting Focus and Concentration

Several internal and external factors influence our abilities to concentrate:

  • Neurological Basis: Neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine regulate attention. A deficiency or imbalance can impair focus.
  • Stress and Anxiety: Chronic stress floods the brain with cortisol, which disrupts cognitive function.
  • Sleep Deprivation: Lack of sleep weakens the brain’s ability to filter distractions.
  • Environment: Noise, clutter and interruptions in the workspace hinder concentration.

Practical Strategies to Enhance Focus

Improving focus and concentration requires a combination of lifestyle adjustments, mental training and environmental optimisation. Here are evidence-based strategies to strengthen attention:

Mindfulness and Meditation 

Mindfulness practices such as meditation, have been proven to enhance attention span. Studies show that regular mindfulness training increases grey matter in the prefrontal cortex, improving sustained attention. Even short daily sessions can help individuals better manage distractions and stay present.

Pomodoro Technique

The Pomodoro Technique is a time-management method that involves working in focused intervals (usually 25 minutes) followed by short breaks. This technique trains the brain to concentrate for fixed periods and prevents mental fatigue.

Eliminating Multitasking

Contrary to popular belief, multitasking reduces productivity and impairs focus. By prioritising tasks and tackling them one at a time, individuals can boost efficiency and minimise cognitive load.

Physical Activity 

Exercise enhances blood flow to the brain, improving cognitive functions, including memory and attention. Aerobic activities like running, swimming or even brisk walking are particularly effective.

Nutrition and Hydration

A diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants, while whole grain supports brain health. Staying hydrated is equally important, as even mild dehydration can impair cognitive performance. 

Digital Detox

Constant exposure to digital devices fragments attention and reduces deep work capacity. Limiting screen time, especially before bed, can significantly improve focus.

Creating a Focus-Friendly Environment 

A clean, organised workspace free from distractions fosters concentration. Using voice-cancelling headphones or playing instrumental music can further enhance focus.

Cultural Impact on Focus and Concentration 

Culture plays a profound role in shaping how individuals perceive and practice attention. The way societies value time, productivity and mental engagement significantly influences our ability to concentrate. 

Collectivist vs Individualistic Cultures

In collectivist cultures, such as those in East Asia, focus is often cultivated as a communal effort. Practices like group meditation or shared quiet sessions emphasise harmony and collective engagement. By contrast, individualist cultures like those in the West often stress personal productivity and self-discipline, leading to a more solitary approach to improving focus.

Education Systems

Educational structures also reflect cultural attitudes toward attention. In Japan, for instance, schools emphasise discipline and long periods of quiet concentration from an early age. By contrast, Western classrooms often incorporate dynamic, interactive activities, which can both enhance and fragment attention depending on the context. 

The Role of Technology 

The pervasive influence of technology varies across cultures. In countries like South Korea, where technology use is integral to daily life, there is a growing awareness of “digital addiction” and its impact on attention. Programs aimed at digital detoxing are gaining popularity to counteract this trend. 

Cultural Practices and Rituals

Many cultural traditions inherently promote focus. Practices like yoga, Tai Chi or Zen meditation not only have physical and mental benefits but also teach the art of sustained attention. Similarly, cultural rituals that involve mindfulness such as tea ceremonies in Japan, emphasise the importance of being present in the moment.

Psychological Costs of a Distracted Culture

The modern world is characterised by what researchers call the “attention economy” where countless platforms compete for our time and engagement. This phenomenon has profound psychological implications:

Reduced Deep Work Capacity

Psychologist Carl Newport defines deep work as the ability to focus without distraction on cognitively demanding tasks. The constant bombardment of notifications and multitasking weakens this capacity

Decision Fatigue 

The over abundance of choices in a hyper connected world leads to mental exhaustion, further impairing focus 

Impact on Mental Health

Chronic distractions contribute to anxiety, reduced self-esteem and a sense of being perpetually behind.

Strategies to Counteract Cultural Challenges

To combat the cultural  challenges that undermine focus, individuals and societies can adapt the filling approaches:

Reviving Slow Living

The “slow living” movement advocates for a deliberate, unhurried approach to life. Factors like savoring meals, engaging in hobbies or spending time in nature can help counteract the frenetic pace of modern life.

Promoting Media Literacy

Educating people about the psychological effects of constant media consumption can empower them to make mindful choices about their digital habits.

Encouraging Collective Focus

Workplaces and educational institutions can foster collective focus by incorporating designating quiet times or promoting group mindfulness sessions.

The Future of Focus in a Distracted World

As the demands of modern life continue to evolve, so too must our strategies for maintaining attention. Innovations in neuroscience and psychology, combined with a greater awareness of cultural and environmental influences, offer hope for a more focused future.

   Governments, organisations and communities have a role to play in addressing the broader societal factors that contribute to distraction. From implementing policies that encourage work-life balance to integrating mindfulness practices into education, collective efforts can pave the way for a culture that values and nurtures focus.

   Improving focus and concentration is not just about individual effort but also about understanding the psychological, cultural and societal factors that shape attention. By adopting evidence-based strategies and addressing cultural influences, we can reclaim our ability to concentrate in an increasingly distracted world. In doing so, we unlock the potential for greater productivity, creativity and well-being. 

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Strings of Legacy: Remembering Ustad Aashish Khan

A sarod maestro, Ustad Aashish Khan bridged traditions and genres, leaving a melody that resonates eternally.

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Ustad Aashish Khan , Sarod , music, Indian, classical

Ustad Aashish Khan, born on December 5, 1939, was among the maestros whose life seemed to have drawn very much in tune with what his loved sarod meant to him. From the royal Senia Maihar Gharana, he had, one could say, the unlikeliest of inheritances through his grandfather, Ustad Allauddin Khan and his legendary life and work into unforeseen dimensions of music. No less than a genius virtuoso on the sarod, Aashish crossed genres and collaborated across and upon continents.

He started learning music at the tender age of five under the tutelage of his grandfather, with intense training by his father, Ustad Ali Akbar Khan, and aunt, Annapurna Devi. This set him soaring in the public arena early on in life; his first appearance on All India Radio was when he was 13 years old, and within a few years, he had performed at such prominent forums as the Tansen Music Conference.

Although he was born of Indian classical music, Aashish Khan’s artistry hardly stayed in bounds. Along with collaboration with maestros like Ravi Shankar and international icons such as The Beatles, Eric Clapton, and Alice Coltrane, he took the artistic fusion to new limits. For the cinema, under Ravi Shankar’s guidance, he also worked on cinematic marvels such as Satyajit Ray’s Jalsaghar and Richard Attenborough’s Gandhi. His works with the Western ensembles of Shanti and The Third Eye showcased his ability to blend the traditional essence of the sarod with experimental sounds.

Aashish Khan is notable for his work in infusing Indian classical music into modern genres. During the 1980s, he and his brother, Pranesh Khan, went into disco music with the album Disco Jazz, which included the hit “Aaj Shanibar.” This bold step into popular culture defined his eclectic music vision.

As an instructor, Aashish taught many students around the world. He taught at the California Institute of the Arts and the University of California at Santa Cruz as an adjunct professor of Indian classical music. His disciples continue to spread the magic of the sarod, carrying forward the legacy of an excellent teacher. He also established the Aashish Khan School of World Music in Kolkata, ensuring that the richness of his musical lineage would be maintained for generations.

All this followed him throughout his long life and career. Sangeet Natak Akademi Award, a Grammy nomination for Golden Strings of the Sarod, and even the prestigious Fellowship of the Royal Asiatic Society came out, echoing his commitment to blending tradition with innovation.

Aashish Khan’s personal life was not without controversy, however. Publicly switching from Muslim to his Hindu Brahmin roots ignited debate within his family and beyond. His father, Ustad Ali Akbar Khan, publicly denied these assertions, creating a rift in underlining the complexities of heritage and identity. Yet Aashish Khan remained steadfast in his pursuit of musical and cultural exploration.

Aashish Khan’s journey ended on November 14, 2024, when he died in Los Angeles at 84. He was laid to rest in California, his final resting place a testament to the global reach of his music.

From the soulful strains of sarod to the pulsating beats of disco, Ustad Aashish Khan was the one who opened up new dimensions in Indian classical music. His life and work remind us that art knows no bounds, only infinite possibilities.

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World AIDS Day and Mental Health

World AIDS Day: Fighting bias, embracing care, and understanding the mental health challenges of HIV/AIDS.

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AIDS , HIV, India, stigma, ART

What is AIDS?

AIDS, or Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, represents the final and most severe stage of an HIV infection, which stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Throughout the course of the infection, HIV systematically attacks and destroys vital immune cells, undermining the body’s ability to fight off infections and leading to an increased risk of various illnesses, including certain types of cancer. 

However, significant progress in medical science has led to the development of antiretroviral therapy (ART). This treatment helps individuals living with HIV manage their condition effectively, allowing them to maintain a healthy lifestyle and significantly reducing the likelihood of the disease progressing to AIDS. Thanks to ART, many people can live long, productive lives despite their diagnosis. 

.

Prevalence of AIDS, Especially in India

India currently has an estimated 2.4 million individuals living with HIV, highlighting a significant public health concern. Although national initiatives have made strides in reducing the overall prevalence of the virus, certain demographics continue to be disproportionately impacted, notably sex workers and members of the LGBTQ+ community. These groups face unique challenges and barriers to care, which exacerbates their vulnerability to the virus. Additionally, in rural regions, access to vital information and healthcare services remains severely limited. This lack of resources and support not only complicates the efforts to combat HIV but also increases the risk of transmission within these underserved populations.

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Mental Health and AIDS

Disorders due to AIDS

HIV/AIDS is more than a medical condition; it is often accompanied by mental disorders such as:

  • HAND: These are neurocognitive disorders that affect memory, attention, and motor skills.
  • Depression and Anxiety: Stigma, discrimination, and fear of disease progression are some of the triggers for these disorders.
  • PTSD: Some patients suffer from PTSD because of past trauma related to their diagnosis or social rejection.
  • Substance Abuse: Coping mechanisms sometimes involve alcohol or drug use, which further deteriorates health​

.

Effects on Families

Families of people living with HIV/AIDS have to face different challenges, such as societal judgment and emotional distress. Caregivers may suffer from compassion fatigue or chronic stress due to financial burdens and the demands of caregiving. Children in affected families may suffer from social isolation and low self-esteem​

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Care and Sensitivity: A Call for Change

Therapists’ Role

  • Mental health professionals have a vital role in providing support to the patients of HIV/AIDS:
  • Confronting Biases: A therapist has to be pro-active to fight personal biases or societal stigma. 
  • Sensitization and education of health care professionals is required.
  • Establishing Trust: Many of the people living with HIV/AIDS will hesitate to consult due to fear of being judged. Providing a safe, non-judgmental, and empathetic environment is vital.
  • Integrated Care Models: Counseling shall be integrated with medical care to address the physical aspects of the condition and other emotional aspects.

How to Be Sensitive

As citizens, sensitivity is the primary approach to ensuring that people live with HIV/AIDS in good psychological conditions:

  • Avoid stigmatizing language or jokes about HIV/AIDS.
  • Educate yourself and your peers about the realities of having HIV/AIDS.
  • Advocate for inclusive policies that cover the rights of those living with HIV/AIDS.
  • Support community-based initiatives that provide mental health services and financial assistance to families​

.

AIDS Clinics and Facilities

  • India’s healthcare sector has strived to offer HIV/AIDS care by initiating the following programs:
  • National AIDS Control Organization (NACO): Offers free ART and HIV counseling services.
  • Community Support Centers: These centers usually conduct therapy sessions, education, and group counseling.
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs): Organizations such as the Humsafar Trust and the Naz Foundation bridge gaps in rural healthcare​

Lets Recap

World AIDS Day serves as a reminder of the ongoing fight against HIV/AIDS and its accompanying mental health challenges. Beyond physical health, the emotional well-being of individuals and their families must be prioritized. Therapists, healthcare workers- ART, and society must address biases and create supportive environments to reduce stigma and foster healing in India and across the Globe.

Together, we can break the silence, fight stigma, and champion care for all

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Chandra Kumar Agarwala: The Romantic for Assamese Literature

Celebrating the legacy of the poet who breathed life and romance into modern Assamese literature : The Pratimar Khonikor

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Chandra Kumar Agarwala , Assamese , Literature , Romantic , Poet

Born on 28 November 1867, Chandra Kumar Agarwala was destined to herald a new era in Assamese literature. Born to a prosperous family in Assam, he was the second son of Haribilash Agarwala, a tea estate owner in the district near Dibrugarh. His education commenced in Tezpur, under the supervision of his father, but by the time he was initiated into his Bachelor’s study in Kolkata, he found it impossible to proceed with law studies in London since his father adamantly opposed the idea. Chandra was crushed and gave up on his studies to continue with a Bachelor’s degree. Finally, he left Kolkata without completing his studies.

Despite this, Kolkata proved a turning point. In the company of Lakshminath Bezbarua and Hem Chandra Goswami, Chandra immersed himself in presumably great literary circles. They finally established the Asamiya Bhasar Unnati Sadhini Sabha to revive Assamese literature by combining the traditional with the innovative. 

Such efforts bore fruit in 1889 when Jonaki started as the first editor. Jonaki laid the Jonaki Era’s foundation and heralded modern Assamese literature’s dawn. Dr Maheswar Neog aptly says, “The emergence of Jonaki heralded the dawn of modern Assamese literature with great importance.” Chandra, Lakshminath, and Hem Chandra were hailed as the Assamese Literature’s Trimurti for their contributions to revolutionary change.

Chandra Kumar Agarwala’s poetic talent was at its best in romantic poetry. His love poetry- the first Assamese romantic poem- and Bin-Boragi celebrated love with nature to marry nature and man. The brightness of the poems and the warmth the reader sensed in them were rare.

Besides poetry, Agarwala was also a journalist. With the freedom fighter Omeo Kumar Das, he published a weekly paper, Asamiya, which tackled problems of the early twentieth century. Although he was uninvolved in active politics, his spirit was influenced by Mahatma Gandhi’s visit to Assam in 1921. Agarwala adopted Gandhian ideals, homespun, especially khadi, to promote India’s freedom struggle. 

Though brilliant in this respect, Agarwala was humble enough to leave his impression on the Assamese cultural bloom. Later, his nephew Jyoti Prasad Agarwala would perpetuate the family legacy as a celebrated poet, playwright, and filmmaker.

Agarwala passed away on the 2nd of March 1938, leaving behind an eternal legacy. Not only was it an era-defining contribution, but it also solidified the Assamese literature in Indian literary history.

Let’s remember Chandra Kumar Agarwala, the Pratimar Khonikor, a soul of Assamese romanticism whose writings have continued to inspire generations.

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