Human relationships are fundamental to human flourishing. From birth to death, relationships shape our emotional health, influence our behaviours, and even impact our physical well-being. Psychology, as the study of human behaviour and mental processes, offers profound insights into what makes relationships thrive. It reveals the principles of attachment, emotional regulation, communication and mutual understanding that underpin meaningful connections.

In this article, we delve into the psychological aspects of building healthy relationships, unpacking theories, strategies and research findings that illuminate how we connect, grow and sustain bonds with others. 

The Psychology of Connection

Psychologists have long emphasized the human need for connection. Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places love and belonging, encompassing friendships, family and intimate relationships, as critical for self-actualization. Without fulfilling this need, individuals may experience feelings of loneliness, alienation and emotional distress. 

  At the heart of the connection lies attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby. This theory explains how early interactions with caregivers shape our ability to form and maintain relationships. Securely attached individuals tend to have healthier, more stable relationships as adults, while those with insecure attachments (avoidant or anxious) may struggle with trust, dependency or intimacy. 

Key Psychological Ingredients of Healthy Relationships

Emotional Intelligence 

Emotional Intelligence (EI), the ability to recognise, understand and manage emotions, is foundational to strong relationships. High EI allows individuals to navigate complex emotional dynamics, respond empathetically, and resolve conflicts constructively.

Psychological strategies to developing EI

• Self-awareness: Reflect on your own emotions and triggers. Understanding your internal world helps prevent reactive behaviour in relationships.
• Empathy: Actively practise seeing situations from the other person’s perspective. Empathy fosters trust and connection.
• Regulation: Learn to manage intense emotions like anger or frustration. Techniques such as mindfulness and deep breathing can help.

  Research shows that people with high emotional intelligence tend to have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships because they communicate effectively and adapt to challenges.

Effective Communication 

Psychologists highlight the importance of communication as the cornerstone of relationship health. Miscommunication or lack of communication often leads to misunderstandings, resentment and conflict. 

The psychology of communication:

• Active listening: Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, emphasised the importance of listening without judgement. This involves giving your full attention, paraphrasing what you hear, and validating the other person’s feelings.
• Nonverbal cues: Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice can convey more than words. Being mindful of these cues helps avoid mixed messages
• “I” statements: Instead of blaming (“You never listen”), express your feelings with “I” statements (“I feel unheard when…”). This approach reduces defensiveness and encourages dialogue. 

  Clear, compassionate communication strengthens bonds and creates an environment of trust and mutual respect.

Mutual Respect and Autonomy

Psychologists emphasise the importance of balancing connection with individual autonomy. In healthy relationships, both parties respect each other’s boundaries, values and goals. This mutual respect nurtures a sense of security and empowerment.

Maintaining autonomy:

• Encourage each other’s personal growth.
• Respect boundaries, even in close relationships.
• Avoid codependency, where one person’s identity becomes overly enmeshed with the other’s.

  By supporting individuality while fostering connection, relationships can flourish without becoming suffocating.

Gratitude and Appreciation 

Expressing gratitude enhances relationship status. Studies show that couples who regularly express appreciation for each other report greater happiness and resilience during conflicts

How to practise gratitude:

• Say “thank you” for everyday acts of kindness.
• Keep a journal of moments you’re grateful for in your relationships.
• Share compliments and positive affirmations frequently.

  Gratitude shifts focus from flaws to strengths, reinforcing a positive dynamic.

Acts of Kindness 

Small gestures of kindness have a disproportionate impact on relationship quality. According to psychologist John Gottman, positive interactions need to outweigh negative ones by a ratio of at least 5:1 for a relationship to thrive.

Examples of kindness include:

• Leaving a thoughtful note.
• Offering help without being asked.
• Celebrating the other person’s achievements 

  Kindness fosters emotional intimacy and reinforces the bond between individuals.

Conflict Resolution in a Psychological Perspective 

  Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but psychology offers strategies for managing disagreements constructively. Gottman’s research on successful couples highlights the importance of conflict resolution skills in maintaining relationship health. Below, we explore key strategies for resolving conflicts, accompanied by real-life examples to illustrate these principles

Stay Calm and Regulate Emotions

When emotions run high during a disagreement, it’s easy for conversations to escalate into arguments. Staying calm helps maintain a constructive tone, preventing the situation from spiralling out of control.

  For example, imagine Alex and Jordan are arguing because Jordan forgot to pick up groceries after promising to do so. Alex feels frustrated and starts raining their voice, saying, “You never keep your word.” Jordan becomes defensive as he feels attacked and replies with “I always do everything around here anyway!”

  Instead Alex could take a moment to regulate their emotions by pausing, breathing deeply and then saying calmly, “I was counting on you to pick up the groceries. It’s frustrating when plans don’t go as expected. Can we talk about how to avoid this in the future?”. This approach shifts the tone to problem-solving rather than blame.

Address Behaviour, Not Character 

When addressing issues, it’s crucial to focus on specific behaviours rather than making sweeping judgements about the other person’s character. This minimises the defensiveness and fosters a more productive conversation. 

  For example, Taylor and Sam are roommates. Taylor feels annoyed because Sam often leaves dirty dishes in the sink. Instead of saying, “You’re so lazy and inconsiderate!” Taylor could say, “I noticed the dishes from yesterday are still in the sink. It would help if we both made an effort to clean up right after meals.”

  By focusing on the behaviour (leaving dishes) rather than labelling Sam as “lazy”, Taylor frames the issue as something that can be resolved collaboratively.

Focus on “I” Statements 

Using “I” statements allows individuals to express their feelings and needs without assigning blame. This approach fosters understanding and reduces defensiveness. 

  For example, Lila and Marcus are a couple. Lila feels hurt because Marcus has been spending more time with friends rather than with her. Instead of saying, “You don’t care about me anymore!” Lila could say, “I feel lonely when we don’t spend as much time together. I’d love to have a date night soon.” 

  This shifts the focus to Lila’s feelings rather than accusing Marcus of neglect, making it easier for Marcus to respond empathetically.

Seek Compromise

Compromise involves finding a middle ground that satisfies both parties. It requires flexibility and a willingness to prioritise the relationship over winning the argument.

  For example, Chris and Morgan are planning a vacation. Chris wants to relax at a beach resort, while Morgan prefers an adventure trip in the mountains. They disagree and feel stuck.

  Instead of insisting on their preferences, they decide to split their vacation into two parts: a few days at the beach followed by a few days at the mountains. This compromise allows both to feel heard and valued.

   Building healthy relationships through a psychological lens involves understanding the interplay of emotions, behaviours and communication. While no relationship is perfect, applying principles of emotional intelligence, secure attachment and conflict resolutions. In a world where connections are often tested by external pressures, investing in relationship skills is more important than ever. By fostering trust, empathy and mutual respect, we not only improve our relationships but also contribute to our own personal growth and wellbeing. 

   Take a moment to reflect: How can you apply these psychological insights to strengthen your relationship today? Small, consistent efforts can lead to transformative outcomes, building relationships that endure and enrich your life.

Kalpana Kartik was that typical golden girl of Indian cinema who emerged bright but shone so briefly. Born as Mona Singha on September 19, 1931, in Lahore, she entered the realm of films during the 1950s and left her mark within a few years. Acting in six iconic movies, she is best remembered for her on-screen and off-screen alliance with the legendary actor Dev Anand.

From Miss Shimla to Bollywood Stardom.

Mona Singha was born to a Punjabi Christian family in pre-partition India. Her father was Tehsildar in Batala, and she was the youngest of seven siblings. When partition happened, her family shifted to Shimla. It was at St. Bede’s College that she made a name for herself, Miss Shimla. This title of glory was a precursor to her entry into films.

The film visionary and elder brother to Dev Anand, Chetan Anand, saw the makings of a star. On a trip to Shimla with his wife, Uma Anand, Mona’s cousin, the family was persuaded by Chetan Anand to let Mona join the world of cinema. Thus, she was rechristened Kalpana Kartik and shifted to Bombay (now Mumbai) to be part of the Navketan Films banner launched by the Anand brothers.

A Memorable Debut and Rise to Fame

Kalpana Kartik first appeared on screen in 1951 with Baazi, directed by Guru Dutt and produced by Navketan Films. The crime thriller did very well and began a fruitful partnership between Kalpana Kartik and Dev Anand, who were beautiful on the silver screen. The sizzling chemistry between them did not take long to turn them into one of the most sought-after famous duos in Bollywood.

Kalpana continued in five more films, out of which are Aandhiyan (1952), Humsafar (1953), Taxi Driver (1954), House No. 44 (1954), and Nau Do Gyarah (1957). Taxi Driver proved to be a watershed, as far as Navketan Films was concerned, as it was for Kalpana. It is indeed a box office hit, not because of any record-breaking status but because it marks the beginning of a personal bond between Kalpana and Dev Anand. When shooting Taxi Driver, the two secretly married at lunch hour in a sequestered place without any media or public glare.

Behind the Camera: A New Chapter

Following Nau Do Gyarah, in 1957, Kalpana Kartik wrote in her diary: ‘Finished my last film.’ And that was it. She stopped acting, turned away from the limelight, and began to work behind the camera instead of facing the camera. She worked as an associate producer for much of Dev Anand’s career. The films she worked with him on include Tere Ghar Ke Samne, Jewel Thief, Prem Pujari, and Heera Panna. All released between 1963 and 1973.

Although Kalpana Kartik’s film career was brief, her contribution to Indian cinema in the 1950s is very relevant. She had worked with some of the best directors of her time, such as Guru Dutt and Chetan Anand. And it is still cherished for its artistic and entertainment values.

A Life Away from the Limelight

After her marriage, Kalpana Kartik preferred to live in seclusion from her family. In 1956, she delivered a son named Suneil Anand, who later went on to act himself. The couple also had a daughter named Devina. Even though Kalpana Kartik had cemented her place in Bollywood. She never deviated from her roots and was always observed practising the Christian faith.

She has opted for retirement as an actress at the very pinnacle of her career. Many more of her contemporaries pursued even greater fame, but she wanted a life only for herself and her family. She relinquished all that stood for a long, courageous practice of mere flesh and blood.

At The End : A Star Who Chose Silence

Kalpana Kartik is a story of grace, talent, and quiet determination. She left behind the movies themselves, but most of all, her life reflected the strength of her character. Her romance with Dev Anand, both in and out of the cinema, is perhaps the most enduring love story that Bollywood has known. Yet, today, after a life apart from cinema. Her contributions are cherished and warmly recalled by viewers in awe of the golden era of Hindi films.

  When you see a red light at a traffic signal, your sensory receptors detect the light, but your brain interprets this as a signal to stop, based on your prior knowledge of traffic rules. This process where raw sensory information is transformed into meaningful understanding is known as perception. 

Perception is a fundamental cognitive process that allows us to interpret and make sense of sensory information from the environment. It involves not just receiving raw data but processing it to form a meaningful experience. This process bridges the gap between sensation (the raw data our sensory organs collect) and cognition (our thoughts, memories and understanding) Without perception we would lack the ability to make sense of our environment and make decisions accordingly. This mental process becomes a huge part of cognitive psychology considering its impact on our decision-making process, thinking, understanding and also experiences. 

Stages of Perception 

Perception occurs in these distinct stages.

Sensation: This is the initial stage where sensory organs like the eyes, ears and skin detect stimuli

Attention: The selection of relevant stimuli for further processing, while irrelevant stimuli are filtered out.

Organisation: The brain organises the incoming data by recognizing patterns of familiar structures

Interpretation: Finally, the brain interprets the organised data based on past experiences, context and knowledge, giving it meaning. 

Example: When walking in a park, you may hear a bird singing (sensation), decide to focus on it (attention), recognize the pattern of the bird’s song (organisation), and identify it as a robin based on your previous experiences (interpretation). 

Types of Perceptual Processing

There are two ways in which information can be accessed by the brain and how the data which is consumed from the environment is articulated. These are:

Bottom-up processing

Bottom-up processing is the most basic form of perception, where understanding starts with sensory output itself. This process is data-driven, meaning that perception begins with the raw data that our senses receive from the environment, and then builds upward toward a higher level of understanding. The brain processes this information in real-time, without relying on prior knowledge or expectations. 

Example: Imagine you’re walking through a forest and see a tree you’ve never encountered before. The brain starts by processing the visual input: the tree’s shape, colour, size and many more. You don’t immediately recognise the type of tree because you have no prior knowledge o, so your brain works from the bottom up, analyzing the features and characteristics to form a basic understanding of the object in front of you. 

   Infants extensively use this form of perceptual processing since they have no prior knowledge or experience of the outside world. They use their sensory output to receive information and process it accordingly. 

  The bottom-up processing is vital when encountering unfamiliar stimuli, as it helps build a detailed perception without biases or expectations that might otherwise cloud your interpretation. However, bottom-up processing can be slow, as it requires the brain to methodically interpret each sensory input bit by bit. 

Top-down processing

In contrast, top-down processing is conceptually driven, where perception is guided by prior knowledge, expectations and experiences. This process allows the brain to interpret sensory information more efficiently by filling in gaps or recognising familiar patterns. Rather than building from the sensory data itself, top-down processing works by using existing knowledge to shape how we perceive the stimuli. 

Example: When reading a jumbled sentence like “Ths is a t_est”, you can quickly recognise it as “This is a test” without needing to analyse each letter in detail. Your brain fills in the gaps based on your knowledge of language and context. Similarly, when you see a partially obscured stop sign, your experience with road signs allows you to recognise it immediately, even if part of the sign is hidden from your view. 

   Top-down processing makes perception faster and more efficient because it allows us to skip some of the slow, methodical stages involved in bottom-up processing. However, this efficiency can come at a cost: it can sometimes lead to perceptual errors or biases. When our expectations are too strong, we might misinterpret or overlook details that don’t align with our assumptions. 

While we understand that these are two types of processing, they also work hand in hand in most situations. While bottom-up processing provides a foundation by gathering sensory information, top-down processing uses prior knowledge to quickly make sense of that information. These processes are not mutually exclusive but complementary. 

   An example of this would be when you walk into a restaurant, bottom-up processing might help you identify unfamiliar objects or food items on the menu, while top-down processing allows you to quickly recognise common elements like tables, chairs and structure of the menu based on your previous experiences and restaurants. 

  The balance between the two is dynamic and context-driven. Based on the need of the situation, bottom-up or top-down processes play different roles in different situations and may pose them being prioritised at different levels. 

Components of Perception 

Here are several components of perception we come across in our daily lives:

Perceptual Set and Expectations 

Perception is not always objective, it is shaped by our expectations and experiences, a concept known as the perceptual set. This refers to the tendency to perceive stimuli in a particular way, influenced by emotions, expectations and cultural experiences. For example, if you’re in a dark alley at night and hear a sound you perceive it as a threat rather than it being a bustle of leaves due to your previous experiences of being in that situation or due to the media coverage in your neighbourhood. 

Depth Perception and Visual Cues

Depth perception is what allows us to view the world in a three-dimensional space, even though our retinas only retrieve images as two-dimensional. This is accomplished through binocular cues and monocular cues. These cues help us understand the coverage of the area, the difference between the images in both eyes, the objects’ sizes and many more. For example, when you’re driving a car, you can gauge the distance between your car and the others’ using your monocular cues of size consistency and other forms of the cues. Even though a car farther down the road looks smaller, you know it hasn’t shrunk, it’s just farther away.

Illusions

Perceptual illusions reveal the limits and biases of our perception. This occurs when our brain misinterprets sensory information, leading to a distorted or misleading perception of reality. Illusions highlight the shortcuts our brain takes to process information efficiently. One well-known example is the Müller-Lyer illusion, where two lines of equal length appear to be different because our brain interprets the arrowheads as depth cues, making one seem longer than the other. 

  Other illusions like optical illusions and colour constancy illusions, showcase how our brains can be tricked into misinterpreting visual information which reveals the intricacies and limits of our processes.

  Perception is a complex cognitive process that goes beyond simply seeing this world. It involves sensation, attention, organisation and interpretation to create a meaningful understanding of our environment. From the influence of our prior knowledge and expectancies to the cues used to perceive, perception is an essential function of cognition that shapes our everyday experiences. However, perception is not infallible, as demonstrated by phenomena like optical illusions. Understanding the complexities of perception helps us deepen our understanding of making sense of the world around us. 

Are you a parent wondering if your parenting style impacts your child? Raising a child is a remarkable journey, and you may question if you are doing your best for your child. Building a positive child-parent relationship involves open communication and a supportive environment. Understanding yourself as a parent and recognizing how your parenting style affects your child’s cognitive, biological and socio-emotional development is crucial. Reflecting on your parenting style helps ensure you provide what’s best for your child. 

 Parenting involves nurturing a child from infancy to adulthood. Parents need to create an ideal environment for their children’s growth, ensuring they develop into independent and responsible individuals. Key aspects of parenting include guiding and supporting the child, fostering a healthy environment, providing love and care, and allowing the child to form their own identity. A crucial element of parenting is the style used to care for the child. Psychologist Diana Baumrind, in the 1960s, identified three primary parenting styles— Authoritarian, Authoritative and Permissive. Here we understand the aspects of Permissive Parenting Style and how it affects your children. 

The Permissive parenting style is described by Baumrind as the type with low demands and high responsiveness. Some of its qualities are that the parents are quite lenient, find it hard to make rules for their children and agree with most decisions their children make. As the word ‘Permissive’ suggests, parents who follow this approach tend to stay away from their children’s life and provide them with every want and need. Some of the characteristics that this type of parenting style also portray which you might see in your daily life are

• child-centric behaviour 
• high tolerance for misbehaviour 
• leniency in forming boundaries
• open communication 

   The above characteristics encompass the ability of the parents to provide love and affection for their children to an extreme extent where the lines of authority and responsibility are blurred. While it might be extremely crucial to provide emotional support to your child, giving them the first line of dependency on yourself rather than their own regulation can also make it harder for them to deal with their problems in the long run. Some of the best qualities of this type are the open communication, friendship, dependability and closeness between you and your child. 

 Effects

 Since we now understand the crux of the permissive parenting style, here are some of the effects it has on your children

Impulsiveness

Without you being there to stop any behaviour of your child, they may continue to act the same. It may be as simple as them not doing their homework to stealing something from the shop. This can lead to them having no consequences for their actions increasing their frequency of impulsive behaviour as they get older. Having no discipline can hence lead them to not having to think through before acting or due to fear of a consequence.

Difficulty accepting authority

Children grown with a permissive parenting style can have significant difficulty in accepting authority as they get older. This happens due to their lifestyle being unequipped with rules and regulations or boundaries. This upbringing can lead them to have a lack of respect for rules, making it difficult for them to adapt to the school system and other forms of structure. These children often lack the constructive criticism provided by authoritative figures but rather take them as a threat to their independence. Since they haven’t been taught to accept consequences, staying in the structure and compromises can get difficult for them. For example, a child always being given what they wanted like junk food or chocolates and snacks is being restricted for the first time in the preschool by the teacher. This can be an extremely difficult experience for the child and they might stay relatively resistant to the authority figure which is the teacher. 

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem in children raised by permissive parents often stems from the lack of clear boundaries and consistent guidance. Without rules, children may feel insecure, as they don’t have a strong sense of right or wrong or the confidence that comes from mastering challenges that are present in the outside world. This insecurity can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-worth, as they are unaware of their abilities and question their place in the world. For example, a child allowed to not take up any chores or responsibilities may end up struggling later on in life when faced with these. While facing these and the difficulties they might encounter, they may doubt their capabilities, feeling they cannot succeed with external validation and support. This self-doubt can also make them more susceptible to criticism, causing them to shy away from challenges and reinforcing their self-worth. Ultimately, the permissive parenting style may deprive children of the confidence-building experiences required to enhance their self-worth. 

Modify

Now that we understand the effects of the probable consequences of continuing this parenting style, here are some of the ways you can modify your parenting style to a more practical and effective approach for your children.

Communicate 

Since we know that there is open communication established between parents and children of the permissive parenting style, we need to understand the effectiveness of this process. An ideal communication between a parent and a child would be a blend of guided and friendly approaches rather than a friendly approach usually adopted in this style of parenting. Hence, slowly changing your communication style to facilitate the growth of your child rather than focusing on staying “friendly” with them would help them in the long run. 

Balance

The optimal balance between warmth and structure needs to be maintained to provide your child with responsibilities and an understanding of the outer world. While we understand that most permissive parents concentrate on providing utmost warmth, love and affection to their children, you also need to know the effects as described above. Love without consequences may end up leading your child to hurt in the future while they form other relationships. Having a balance between structure or rules and warmth or love can help your children learn the effective way of forming any relationship.

Consistency

Providing a set of rules to be followed, helping them realise there are consequences for their actions, and also pushing them to take on responsibility and ownership are a few of the ways you can achieve structure which is lacking in your permissive approach. Being consistent with these principles and also blending them with the warmth and love you provide can make your child feel more secure and develop their sense of self in a more positive environment. 

  At the end, Permissive Parenting Style has its strengths and weaknesses. It is quite apparent to state that though there is an “ideal” parenting style to achieve, every parent may not be able to achieve it due to their difficulties and differences. While we point this out, we can also strive to achieve what’s best for our children since upbringing is also about certain changes to be made within you. Fostering a healthy communication approach, balance between structure and warmth, and also consistency with rules can provide your children with a healthier upbringing and prepare them for the outside world. 

Alluri Sitarama Raju was an Indian revolutionary who led an armed rebellion against British colonial rule in India. Born in present-day Andhra Pradesh, Raju’s resistance was primarily in response to the 1882 Madras Forest Act, which restricted the free movement of Adivasis in the forest habitats and prevented them from practising their traditional form of agriculture, “Podu”. This act threatened their way of life, leading to widespread discontent. Against this backdrop and during the non-cooperation movement (1920-1922), Raju emerged as a leader in the Rampa Rebellion (1922-1924), mustering forces of tribals and other sympathisers to engage in guerilla warfare against British forces across Andhra Pradesh and Odisha. The local people bestowed him with the “Manyam Veerudu” (Hero Of The Jungle) for his exploits.

Early Life and Background

Born into a Telugu family, Alluri Sitarama Raju originally went by the name Alluri Rama Raju. He adopted the name “Sita” in memory of a girl he loved during his youth, whose untimely death left him heartbroken. At 18, Raju took sannyasa, dedicating himself to a life of asceticism and spiritual discipline. This transformation set the stage for his future role as a charismatic leader of tribal people in colonial India.

Leadership and Rebellion

As the leader of the Rampa Rebellion, Raju aimed to expel the British from the Eastern Ghats region in the erstwhile Madras Presidency. He orchestrated numerous raids on imperial police stations to acquire firearms for his under-equipped forces. After each raid, he left a written note signed by him, detailing the plunder and daring the police to stop him; his forces targeted police stations in Annavaram, Addeteegala, Chintapalle, Dammanapalli, Krishna Devi Peta, Rampachodavaram, Rajavommangi and Narsipatnam, resulting in significant police casualties.

In response to these raids, the British colonial authorities undertook a nearly two-year-long search for Raju, spending much money. Despite the heavy expenditure and relentless pursuit, Raju continued his resistance until he was trapped in Koyyuru village in the Chintapalle forests. There, he was captured and tied to a tree and executed by a firing squad in 1924. A mausoleum with his final remains was built in the village of Krishnadevipeta in Andhra Pradesh.

Legacy and Recognition

Alluri Sitarama Raju’s legacy as a powerful tactician and fearless leader is widely recognised. The British grudgingly accepted and acknowledged his prowess in guerilla warfare, which had cost them significant resources to quell. 1929, despite his advocacy for non-violence, Mahatma Gandhi paid homage to Raju, recognising his bravery, sacrifice and noble character. Jawaharlal Nehru and Subhas Chandra Bose also acknowledged Raju’s unparalleled courage and dedication to the cause of Indian independence.

In modern times, Raju’s legacy continues to be celebrated. The Indian government released a postal stamp in his honour, and the Andhra Pradesh government named a new district after him. His life has been depicted in films, and his birthday (July 4th) is celebrated annually as a state festival. The Alluri Sitarama Raju Cricket Stadium in Eluru is named after him, and plans are to install his statue at the Parliament of India.

Alluri Sitarama Raju’s story is a testament to the relentless spirit of resistance against oppression and the enduring fight for justice and freedom.