HeARTful Living
Couples Therapy in India: More Than Just a Last Resort
Embracing couples therapy in India to foster understanding, mental well-being, and a balanced relationship journey.
Couples therapy is still a pretty misunderstood topic in India, being seen as the “last resort” before handing it over to the lawyer for papers of divorce. On the other hand, it develops into something more than crisis intervention, at least in terms of growth and communication being the motivating factors for having better long-term relationship satisfaction. Marriage, in an Indian context, is deeply rooted in tradition, with intense involvement from the family, which forms the backdrop against which this bridge of cultural expectations against the psychological needs of partners can be perceived.
Emerging Demand and Change of Mindsets
There is, in addition, an emerging wind of change whereby the stigma about therapy is slowly disappearing; Indian couples increasingly seek support for everyday conflict in the relationship. Studies have shown that young, urban couples are gradually accepting relationship counselling. Departmental research by the Department of Psychology at the University of Delhi revealed that more than 40% of Indian couples under therapy had used therapy as a preventive measure to enhance communication and intimacy before any significant problems arose. That trend has witnessed increased awareness of mental health in relationships and the value of treatment available at an early stage.
Cultural Sensitivity in Therapy
Therapy in a culturally diverse country like India needs to be customised to the problems of Indian couples. In addition, it may include considerations based on joint families, scheduled marriages, and age-old gender roles. A study stated that culturally grounded therapy has yielded fruitful results for Indian couples. This approach allows therapists to utilise rapport and rapport in working with clients. Often, this involves family dynamics and social values in the therapy interventions.
Contemporary therapists are more sensitive to the cultural nuances of Indian relationships. Therefore, they would ask couples to reflect on how cultural norms impact their relations by realising respect, duty, and a sense of family responsibility. Personal growth had to align with expectations within family life and, therefore, could become effective communication and compromise.
Dealing with Mental Health Together
Another vital role of couples therapy in India is associated with the mental health aspects of both partners. According to a study conducted by NIMHANS in 2021, couples with better communication tended to feel less anxious and less depressed. The study here has established that when couples deal with issues such as stress, trauma, or work-life imbalance together, both will have better mental health outcomes. It thus highlights joint therapy’s power in promoting holistic well-being.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Emotionally Focused Therapy are just two examples of the numerous therapies therapists use to assist couples in understanding and coping with stressors. The nature of these therapeutic strategies allows partners to communicate feelings within a supportive, nonjudgmental climate, thus creating a safe space for empathy and emotional support. Many couples seeking therapy are taking it out as an investment into their relationship as they leave after therapy.
Not A Last Resort
Contrary to popular opinion, couples therapy is not a last resort effort at relationships before considering divorce. Instead, it is a positive effort toward more robust, resilient bonds. Many Indian couples today look at therapy as a space to nurture emotional intimacy as expectations evolve, and they look for help to tackle conflict and develop strength based on change. Therapy gives them tools to cope with change and provides a foundation for trust and shared goals.
The Future of Couples Therapy in India
The Indian landscape of couples therapy is fast expanding with more online-based options that make therapy accessible and not pocket-burning. Teletherapy services such as BetterLYF and InnerHour report growing demand for couples counselling from urban and semi-urban couples. This demand indicates the stigma attached to this form of therapy has started to evaporate and has been embraced as a constructive avenue for relationship maintenance and growth.
Conclusion
Even as the views on mental health and relationships transform in India, so does couples therapy examine and fulfil the new needs of modern couples. At the very minimum, with all due respect to the cultural values and by creating a safe space for the free expression of their thoughts, couples therapy is no longer considered a “last resort” but a tool toward much more robust and more compassionate partnerships. Adopting this proactive strategy and its implementation can make Indian couples move over the intricate complexities of modern relationships, let alone respecting or understanding each other.
HeARTful Living
Breaking Down the Mental Healthcare Act 2017
A closer look at India’s Mental Healthcare Act, 2017—rights, accessibility, and what it means for mental health in India.
The revolutionary change in the status, management, and legal provisions affecting mental health in India began with the passing of the Mental HealthCare Act, 2017 (MHCA). This Act, coming into force on 29th May 2018, aims to assure dignity, rights, and basic care to a person with mental illnesses, challenging the long bondage of stigma and systemic obstructions that have shrouded the delivery of mental healthcare in India.
Here’s all that you should know about this remarkable piece of legislation and its importance.
The Importance of the Mental Healthcare Act, 2017
Before 2017, the existing legislation controlling mental health in India was the Mental Health Act of 1987, which primarily took into account institutionalization rather than rights-based care. But, with increasing awareness of mental health and India’s commitment to the United Nations’ Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (UNCRPD), new legislation was urgently required; one that would emphasize rights, individual autonomy, and inclusivity in respect of persons suffering from mental illnesses.
The MHCA 2017 promises to be such a progressive legislation, built to:
– protect the rights and dignity of persons with mental illnesses;
– decriminalize suicide, viewing it as a mental health problem;
– and be accessible and affordable, merging mental healthcare services.
Important Features of the Act
Right to Access Mental Healthcare
The Act guarantees that everyone has the right to affordable quality mental healthcare services. It seeks to provide equality for mental and physical health by ensuring equal access to treatment and facilities.
Decriminalization of Suicide
The decriminalization of suicide is considered one of the historic provisions in the Act. Section 115 states that if an individual is found guilty of attempting suicide, he or she will be presumed to have been in a state of extreme mental distress and shall not be punished under law. Rather, he or she will be entitled to care and rehabilitation.
Advance Directives
Individuals are empowered under the MHCA 2017 to issue advance directives on treatment options. One can prescribe any treatment to be provided or that is to be avoided, in the event that the person is incapacitated to make any decision in the future.
Guardianship
For the people unable to take decisions independently, the Act allows appointing a nominated representative to help make decisions in the best interests of such a person.
Prohibition of discrimination
The Act expressly prohibits any discrimination on account of mental illness regarding access to services like education, employment, housing, etc. It also lays stress upon the confidentiality of a patient’s mental health record.
Ban on Inhumane treatment
The MHCA 2017 prohibits the practice of ECT without anesthesia, as well as chaining and all forms of cruel and degrading treatment of persons with mental illnesses.
Challenges in Implementation
Though the MHCA 2017 is progressive in its provisions, it encounters major challenges during implementation:
Insufficiency of Resources: There are only about 0.75 psychiatrists per 100,000 people in India.
Lack of Awareness: Many persons do not know what their rights are under the Act, limiting the Act’s influence.
Gaps in Funding: Mental healthcare receives less than 1% of the total expenditure on healthcare within the country.
Stigma: The pervasive stigmatization of persons with mental conditions operates in a circular, self-perpetuating manner to deter them from seeking help, even when such support is available.
Why the MHCA 2017 Is Important
The Act represents a progressive initiative towards destigmatization and-responsive care of mental health. It opens the way to the loss of prejudiced opinions about mental health by granting specific rights that underscore the importance of mental well-being. The Act also fits with India’s international commitments and positively influences her image in the global sense as a leading country in inclusive health policies.
There exists hope for the people and families who can, through the MHCA of 2017, begin to challenge societal attitudes towards providing better support systems for mental health.
You Can Do This
As good citizens, it is important now to:
Become Educated: Learn your rights and education to the people around you within your community.
Advocate: Stop gap funding, poor funding, build infrastructure, and campaigns for awareness raising.
Challenge Stigma: Talk about mental health in a normalized way, support those who needed it.
We can together create an environment in which mental health is cared for and given due respect.
HeARTful Living
Reclaim Your Power: The Art of Setting Boundaries
Having trouble saying no, making your boundary clear or setting your own pace? Here is your guide to setting own boundaries.
In our interconnected and increasingly fast-paced world, setting personal boundaries is a crucial skill that many overlook. Healthy boundaries define where one person ends, and another begins, creating a sense of individual autonomy and self-respect. They are essential for mental health, healthy relationships and overall well-being. This article explores the psychological foundations of boundary setting, its significance and offers insights into applying this practice, concluding with a brief case study illustrating its transformative power.
The Psychological Perspective
Psychologically, boundaries are invisible lines that separate our thoughts, feelings, and physical space from others. They dictate what we are willing to accept or tolerate in our interactions and relationships. Boundaries can be physical (e.g., personal space), emotional (e.g., sharing personal feelings), or cognitive (e.g., protecting one’s beliefs or opinions) .
The development of personal boundaries begins in early childhood. Influenced by parenting styles, attachment patterns, and social learning, children learn how to establish and maintain boundaries. Securely attached children often grow up with a clear sense of self and stronger boundaries, as their caregivers respected their autonomy while providing guidance. Conversely, those raised in enmeshed or neglectful environments may struggle to define and uphold boundaries, potentially leading to issues such as dependency, resentment or conflict.
In psychology, boundary-setting is closely related to self-concept, self-esteem and emotional regulation. A well-defined self-concept allows individuals to recognise their needs and limitations, while healthy self-esteem empowers them to assert these needs without guilt. Conversely, individuals with poor self-esteem or unclear boundaries may feel obligated to prioritise others over themselves, leading to burnout, anxiety or interpersonal strife
The Psychological Benefits of Setting Boundaries
Improved Mental Health
Boundaries are critical for protecting mental health. Without them, individuals may find themselves overcommitted, overwhelmed or emotionally drained. Boundaries help individuals avoid overextending themselves and create space for self-care, which is essential for managing stress, anxiety and depression.
Enhanced Relationships
Clear boundaries foster mutual respect and understanding in relationships. They prevent misunderstandings, reduce resentment and promote healthy communication. By setting boundaries, individuals communicate their values and needs, paving the way for more authentic connections.
Increased Self-esteem
When individuals assert their boundaries, they send themselves a powerful message: “My needs and feelings matter”. This practise bolsters self-esteem me reinforces self-worth, as it aligns one’s actions with personal values and priorities
Greater Autonomy and Control
Setting boundaries allows individuals to maintain a sense of agency over their lives. It empowers them to make decisions that align with their goals and values, rather than being swayed by external pressures and obligations.
Reduced Stress and Burnout
Many people struggle with saying “no” due to fear of disappointing others. However, constantly acquiescing to others’ demands can lead to burnout. Setting boundaries helps individuals manage their energy and commitments, reducing stress and enhancing overall productivity.
Challenges in Setting Boundaries
Despite its benefits, setting boundaries can be challenging, particularly for individuals who:
- Fear Rejection or Conflict: Many people avoid setting boundaries due to a fear of being disliked or creating conflicts.
- Lack Role Models: If boundary-setting was not modeled during childhood, individuals may struggle to develop this skill in adulthood.
- Feel Guilt: Some associate boundary-setting with selfishness, leading to feelings of guilt when asserting their needs.
- Have Low Self-esteem: Individuals with poor self-esteem may doubt their right to set boundaries or prioritise their needs.
Strategies for Setting Healthy Boundaries
Identify Your Needs and Limits
Self-awareness is the first step in setting boundaries. Reflect on what makes you feel comfortable, respected and safe in your relationships and interactions.
Communicate Clearly and Assertively
Use “I” statements to express your boundaries. For example, “I need some quiet time to recharge after work” is clearer and less confrontational than “You’re always bothering me when I get home.”
Practice Saying No
Saying no is an essential skill for maintaining boundaries. Start small by declining minor requests and gradually work up to more significant situations.
Be Consistent
Upholding your boundaries requires consistency. If you allow exceptions too often, others may not take your boundaries seriously.
Seek Support
Consider seeking guidance from a therapist, support group, or trusted friend if you struggle with boundary-setting. Professional help can provide tools and encouragement to navigate challenging situations.
Case Study: Transforming Life With The Help of a Therapist
Background:
Maria, a 35-year-old marketing professional, sought therapy due to chronic stress and burnout. She described herself as a “people pleaser”, constantly taking on extra responsibilities at work and in her personal life. Maria often felt overwhelmed, resentful and unappreciated but struggled to say no for fear of disappointing others.
Therapeutic Approach:
Maria’s therapist began by helping her explore the origins of her people-pleasing tendencies. Through guided reflection, Maria realised that she equated setting boundaries with selfishness, a belief instilled during childhood. Her therapist introduced her to the concept of assertive communication and encouraged her to practice saying no in low-stakes situations.
Maria was also tasked with identifying her personal and professional priorities by her therapist . She learned to recognise when requests conflicted with these priorities and how to decline gracefully. For example, when her boss asked her to take on an additional project, Maria responded “I’d love to help, but my current workload won’t allow me to give this the attention it deserves.
Outcome:
Over time, Maria experienced profound changes. She reported feeling less stressful and more control in her life. Her relationships improved as she began expressing her needs honestly and respectfully. While she initially feared rejection, she found that most people respected her , and those who didn’t often revealed themselves to be unhealthy influences.
Setting boundaries is a powerful psychological act of self-care that benefits mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. While the process may feel uncomfortable or daunting at first, the long-term rewards far overweigh the challenges. As Maria’s story illustrates, learning to set boundaries can transform not only how we interact with others but also how we view ourselves. By prioritising our well-being and asserting our needs, we can cultivate a life of balance, respect, and authenticity.
HeARTful Living
Fear Not: Strategies for Conquering Failure
Ever felt a sense of fear of failure in academics, work place or even everyday activities? Here is a psychological perspective of it!
Fear of failure is a universal experience. It arises when individuals perceive that their efforts might lead to a negative outcome, resulting in embarrassment, disappointment or diminished self-esteem. While some degree of fear can motivate achievement, excessive fear of failure can paralyse individuals, preventing them from taking necessary risks and achieving their potential. From a psychological perspective, understanding the origins, mechanisms and strategies for overcoming fear is key to personal growth and resilience.
Understanding Fear of failure
The fear of failure, or atychiphobia, stems from a combination of psychological, environmental and biological factors. According to cognitive-behavioural theory, fear of failure often arises from distorted thought patterns, where individuals catastrophise potential outcomes or overemphasise the consequences of mistakes. These thought patterns are often learned in early life, shaped by experiences with caregivers, teachers and peers.
The Role of Conditioning and Socialisation
Classical and operant conditioning play significant roles in the development of fear of failure. For instance, a child who is punished or shamed for mistakes, may begin to associate failure with emotional pain. Over time, this association creates a deep-seated aversion to risk-taking. Social learning theory also highlights the influence of observing others, if an individual frequently witnesses others being criticised for their failures, they may internalise similar fears.
Cultural and Social Expectations
Cultural norms further shape perceptions of failure. In societies that prioritise achievement and success, failure is often stigmatised, leading to feelings of inadequacy and shame. Conversely, cultures that value resilience and learning from mistakes tend to foster healthier attitudes toward failure. Social comparison theory, proposed by Leon Festinger, explains how individuals gauge their self-worth by comparing themselves to others, which can exacerbate fear of failure when perceived standards are unattainably high.
Biological Underpinnings
On a biological level, the fear of failure is linked to the brain’s threat response system, primarily involving the amygdala. When posed with potential failure, the brain perceives it as a threat, triggering the fight or flight response. This response can lead to physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweating or difficulty concentrating, further reinforcing the fear. However, neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt, provides hope for reprogramming maladaptive responses overtime.
Psychological Consequences of Fear of Failure
Excessive fear of failure can lead to several negative psychological outcomes:
- Procrastination: Fearful individuals may delay tasks to avoid the possibility of failure. This behaviour creates a cycle of avoidance that perpetuates anxiety and low self-esteem.
- Perfectionism: Many individuals with a fear of failure set unrealistically high standards for themselves, leading to chronic dissatisfaction and burnout.
- Self-Handicapping: To protect their self-esteem, some individuals deliberately sabotage their efforts, ensuring failure while attributing it to external factors.
- Imposter Syndrome: Fear of failure is often linked to feelings of inadequacy, where individuals doubt their abilities despite evidence of competence.
- Avoidance of Opportunities: The fear of failure may prevent individuals from pursuing valuable opportunities, limiting their growth and potential.
Overcoming Fear of Failure: Psychological Strategies
Overcoming the fear of failure involves reframing one’s thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Here are evidence-based strategies rooted in psychological research:
Cognitive Restructuring
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) emphasises heavily on identifying challenging and irrational thoughts that fuel the fear of failure. For instance, replacing thoughts like “If I fail, everyone will think I’m incompetent” with “Everyone experiences failure, it’s an opportunity to learn”, can help reframe failure as a natural part of growth.
Growth Mindset
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s concept of a growth mindset, believing that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning, can reduce the fear of failure. Adopting this mindset encourages individuals to view challenges as opportunities rather than threats.
Exposure Therapy
Gradual exposure to feared situations can help desensitise individuals to failure. For example, taking small, curated risks in a controlled environment can build confidence and reduce anxiety over time. The goal is to demonstrate that failure is not catastrophic but manageable.
Self-Compassion
Self-Compassion, as defined by psychologist Kristin Neff, involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding during times of failure. Studies show that self-compassion reduces fear of failure and promotes resilience by fostering a supportive internal dialogue.
Mindfulness Practices
Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and grounding exercises, help individuals stay present and reduce the intensity of negative thoughts associated with failure. These practices strengthen emotional regulation, making it easier to face challenges.
Behavioural Activation
Taking action, even in the face of fear, can weaken avoidance behaviours and build confidence. Behavioural activation, a core component of CBT, encourages individuals to engage in goal-directed activities despite their fears.
Reframing Failure as Feedback
Viewing failure as a source of feedback rather than judgement of worth can reduce its emotional sting. For instance, athletes and entrepreneurs often see failure as a necessary step toward improvement and innovation.
Building Resilience Against Fear of Failure
Long-term resilience requires cultivating habits and mindsets that reduce vulnerability to fear of failure. Key practices include:
- Setting realistic goals: Breaking larger goals into smaller achievable steps reduces the risk of overwhelming failure. Realistic goals also allow for incremental progress, building confidence.
- Developing a Support Network: Having a reliable network of supportive individuals, friends, family, mentors or therapists, provides encouragement and perspective during challenging times.
- Practicing Gratitude: Focusing on accomplishments and positive experiences can counterbalance fears of failure and reinforce self-worth.
- Celebrating Effort Over Outcome: Emphasizing effort and perseverance rather than success helps shift the focus from results to personal growth.
- Learning from Role Models: Observing how others navigate failure can provide valuable insights and inspire courage. Many successful individuals such as Thomas Edison and Oprah Winfrey, attribute their achievements to lessons learned from failure.
Case Study: Fear of Failure in Academia
Consider Sarah, a college student who fears failing her exams. This fear leads her to procrastinate, avoiding study sessions and leaving her unprepared. Sarah’s therapist uses CBT to identify her catastrophic thinking patterns, such as believing that failing one exam will ruin her career. Together, their work on reframing these thoughts and developing a study routine that emphasises small, achievable goals. Over time, Sarah begins to view exams as opportunities to demonstrate her learning rather than threats to her own self-worth.
Fear of failure is a natural response, but it need not define one’s actions or self-concept. By understanding its origins and employing psychological strategies, individuals can transform their fear into a source of motivation and growth. Overcoming fear of failure is not about eliminating mistakes but embracing them as integral to the journey of self-discovery and achievement. Through persistence, self-compassion and willingness to face challenges, anyone can learn to navigate fear and unlock their full potential.
HeARTful Living
The Paradox of Urban Loneliness: Alone Together
Caught in the urban rush, India’s youth feel loneliness. Here’s how we can navigate the isolation together.
India’s cities, filled with people, ironically harbor some of the loneliest individuals—its urban youth. Despite the constant noise and fast-paced lifestyles of bustling metropolises creating an illusion of connection, many young adults grapple with deep-seated loneliness. Often moving to these urban centers for education or career opportunities, they find themselves disconnected from their familial support systems.
The digital era exacerbates this issue. While social media offers a way to connect, it often leads to shallow friendships and unhealthy comparisons that intensify feelings of inadequacy and isolation. The pressure to appear “put together” online conceals the serious struggles many individuals face. Surveys on mental health reveal concerning statistics: nearly 40% of urban youth report experiencing loneliness frequently, even though they have large online social networks.
The causes of this loneliness are complex. Factors include alienation from traditional community structures, the competitive nature of urban living, and difficulties in forming authentic connections. The experience of being surrounded yet feeling isolated highlights the urgent need for awareness and dialogue on loneliness as a public health issue, particularly for India’s young urban population.
Building Bridges: Strategies to Overcome Loneliness
This is about creating meaningful connections. Engaging in shared activities, such as community service, hobby clubs, or group sports, can help individuals feel a sense of belonging. It’s essential to establish safe spaces, both online and offline, where people can freely discuss mental health topics. Universities, workplaces, residential communities, and other organizations can collaborate with their communities to organize and promote workshops and support groups focused on mental well-being.
While technology can sometimes contribute to isolation, it can also be part of the solution. Apps and platforms that encourage deeper engagement—such as book clubs, mentoring programs, or virtual therapy sessions—are becoming increasingly popular. Additionally, returning to mindful practices from Indian traditions, like yoga and meditation, can help urban youth connect with themselves and reduce feelings of alienation.
Family and peer support are crucial as well. Strengthening bonds with loved ones through regular communication, even from a distance, reminds individuals that they are not alone in their struggles. Overcoming loneliness is not solely an individual responsibility; it requires a collective effort to create a society where relationships can thrive instead of promoting isolation.
HeARTful Living
Nurturing Bonds: A Guide to Building Healthy Relationships
Explore the psychology of building healthy relationships, uncovering theories, strategies, and insights on connection and growth.
Human relationships are fundamental to human flourishing. From birth to death, relationships shape our emotional health, influence our behaviours, and even impact our physical well-being. Psychology, as the study of human behaviour and mental processes, offers profound insights into what makes relationships thrive. It reveals the principles of attachment, emotional regulation, communication and mutual understanding that underpin meaningful connections.
In this article, we delve into the psychological aspects of building healthy relationships, unpacking theories, strategies and research findings that illuminate how we connect, grow and sustain bonds with others.
The Psychology of Connection
Psychologists have long emphasized the human need for connection. Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places love and belonging, encompassing friendships, family and intimate relationships, as critical for self-actualization. Without fulfilling this need, individuals may experience feelings of loneliness, alienation and emotional distress.
At the heart of the connection lies attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby. This theory explains how early interactions with caregivers shape our ability to form and maintain relationships. Securely attached individuals tend to have healthier, more stable relationships as adults, while those with insecure attachments (avoidant or anxious) may struggle with trust, dependency or intimacy.
Key Psychological Ingredients of Healthy Relationships
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence (EI), the ability to recognise, understand and manage emotions, is foundational to strong relationships. High EI allows individuals to navigate complex emotional dynamics, respond empathetically, and resolve conflicts constructively.
Psychological strategies to developing EI
- Self-awareness: Reflect on your own emotions and triggers. Understanding your internal world helps prevent reactive behaviour in relationships.
- Empathy: Actively practise seeing situations from the other person’s perspective. Empathy fosters trust and connection.
- Regulation: Learn to manage intense emotions like anger or frustration. Techniques such as mindfulness and deep breathing can help.
Research shows that people with high emotional intelligence tend to have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships because they communicate effectively and adapt to challenges.
Effective Communication
Psychologists highlight the importance of communication as the cornerstone of relationship health. Miscommunication or lack of communication often leads to misunderstandings, resentment and conflict.
The psychology of communication:
- Active listening: Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, emphasised the importance of listening without judgement. This involves giving your full attention, paraphrasing what you hear, and validating the other person’s feelings.
- Nonverbal cues: Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice can convey more than words. Being mindful of these cues helps avoid mixed messages
- “I” statements: Instead of blaming (“You never listen”), express your feelings with “I” statements (“I feel unheard when…”). This approach reduces defensiveness and encourages dialogue.
Clear, compassionate communication strengthens bonds and creates an environment of trust and mutual respect.
Mutual Respect and Autonomy
Psychologists emphasise the importance of balancing connection with individual autonomy. In healthy relationships, both parties respect each other’s boundaries, values and goals. This mutual respect nurtures a sense of security and empowerment.
Maintaining autonomy:
- Encourage each other’s personal growth.
- Respect boundaries, even in close relationships.
- Avoid codependency, where one person’s identity becomes overly enmeshed with the other’s.
By supporting individuality while fostering connection, relationships can flourish without becoming suffocating.
Gratitude and Appreciation
Expressing gratitude enhances relationship status. Studies show that couples who regularly express appreciation for each other report greater happiness and resilience during conflicts
How to practise gratitude:
- Say “thank you” for everyday acts of kindness.
- Keep a journal of moments you’re grateful for in your relationships.
- Share compliments and positive affirmations frequently.
Gratitude shifts focus from flaws to strengths, reinforcing a positive dynamic.
Acts of Kindness
Small gestures of kindness have a disproportionate impact on relationship quality. According to psychologist John Gottman, positive interactions need to outweigh negative ones by a ratio of at least 5:1 for a relationship to thrive.
Examples of kindness include:
- Leaving a thoughtful note.
- Offering help without being asked.
- Celebrating the other person’s achievements
Kindness fosters emotional intimacy and reinforces the bond between individuals.
Conflict Resolution in a Psychological Perspective
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but psychology offers strategies for managing disagreements constructively. Gottman’s research on successful couples highlights the importance of conflict resolution skills in maintaining relationship health. Below, we explore key strategies for resolving conflicts, accompanied by real-life examples to illustrate these principles
Stay Calm and Regulate Emotions
When emotions run high during a disagreement, it’s easy for conversations to escalate into arguments. Staying calm helps maintain a constructive tone, preventing the situation from spiralling out of control.
For example, imagine Alex and Jordan are arguing because Jordan forgot to pick up groceries after promising to do so. Alex feels frustrated and starts raining their voice, saying, “You never keep your word.” Jordan becomes defensive as he feels attacked and replies with “I always do everything around here anyway!”
Instead Alex could take a moment to regulate their emotions by pausing, breathing deeply and then saying calmly, “I was counting on you to pick up the groceries. It’s frustrating when plans don’t go as expected. Can we talk about how to avoid this in the future?”. This approach shifts the tone to problem-solving rather than blame.
Address Behaviour, Not Character
When addressing issues, it’s crucial to focus on specific behaviours rather than making sweeping judgements about the other person’s character. This minimises the defensiveness and fosters a more productive conversation.
For example, Taylor and Sam are roommates. Taylor feels annoyed because Sam often leaves dirty dishes in the sink. Instead of saying, “You’re so lazy and inconsiderate!” Taylor could say, “I noticed the dishes from yesterday are still in the sink. It would help if we both made an effort to clean up right after meals.”
By focusing on the behaviour (leaving dishes) rather than labelling Sam as “lazy”, Taylor frames the issue as something that can be resolved collaboratively.
Focus on “I” Statements
Using “I” statements allows individuals to express their feelings and needs without assigning blame. This approach fosters understanding and reduces defensiveness.
For example, Lila and Marcus are a couple. Lila feels hurt because Marcus has been spending more time with friends rather than with her. Instead of saying, “You don’t care about me anymore!” Lila could say, “I feel lonely when we don’t spend as much time together. I’d love to have a date night soon.”
This shifts the focus to Lila’s feelings rather than accusing Marcus of neglect, making it easier for Marcus to respond empathetically.
Seek Compromise
Compromise involves finding a middle ground that satisfies both parties. It requires flexibility and a willingness to prioritise the relationship over winning the argument.
For example, Chris and Morgan are planning a vacation. Chris wants to relax at a beach resort, while Morgan prefers an adventure trip in the mountains. They disagree and feel stuck.
Instead of insisting on their preferences, they decide to split their vacation into two parts: a few days at the beach followed by a few days at the mountains. This compromise allows both to feel heard and valued.
Building healthy relationships through a psychological lens involves understanding the interplay of emotions, behaviours and communication. While no relationship is perfect, applying principles of emotional intelligence, secure attachment and conflict resolutions. In a world where connections are often tested by external pressures, investing in relationship skills is more important than ever. By fostering trust, empathy and mutual respect, we not only improve our relationships but also contribute to our own personal growth and wellbeing.
Take a moment to reflect: How can you apply these psychological insights to strengthen your relationship today? Small, consistent efforts can lead to transformative outcomes, building relationships that endure and enrich your life.
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