Editor's Pick
EQ: An Overlooked Kind of Intelligence
Emotional intelligence or EQ is often overshadowed by IQ. Let’s try to understand how it differs and why is it important.
Did you know that you can be the smartest person in the room intellectually but also be the dumbest in reading “emotional cues”? Emotional cues refer to hints or signs about how someone is feeling and behaving appropriately. For example, if your friend is not feeling good you will try and ask them if they are okay, did something happen, etc. instead of jumping around and talking about yourself. Although you may think that it is natural, you will be surprised as to how many people still fail to understand others and why they do certain things such as when you are unable to understand why Nobita helps Gian even after he hurts him in Doraemon. This is where emotional intelligence or EQ comes into the picture.
What is EQ?
EQ stands for emotional quotient. It refers to your level of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to a state where you can not only understand your own emotions and process them but also put yourself in somebody else’s place, see things from their point of view, and understand their emotions. Unlike IQ, EQ is usually assessed through self-report questionnaires, behavioural assessments, and peer reviews, which often focus on how one interacts with others and handles emotions. There are five key areas under EQ, they include:
- Self-awareness:
It refers to your ability to be aware of what you are feeling and accept it. If you’re not happy over something that someone has done to you, you understand that you are feeling the emotion of sadness and accept it. Being aware of your emotions and what you are feeling is the first step in gaining a high EQ or emotional intelligence. Sometimes you can even feel two or three or more emotions at the same time. Such as in the previous scenario, if you’re not happy with what someone has done to you, you may feel sad and angry at the same time.
- Self-regulation:
Right after awareness comes regulation. It does so happen that sometimes you may feel an emotion very strongly. Let’s understand this with an example, suppose you’re mad that your friend didn’t come to play with you in the evening you may feel so angry that you would want to throw certain things in your room. But those with a higher EQ or emotional intelligence will not act on these thoughts of throwing things in the room when they feel angry as it will not make your friend come to play. Instead, they may engage in other activities or reason with themselves to calm themselves down.
- Motivation:
More often than not we are motivated by prizes or praises that we receive from others to do better at something. It could be anything from coming first in class to drawing a very pretty picture. However, those with a high EQ or emotional intelligence are motivated to do a task well because it makes them happy or fulfils some of their own internal goals. These goals can range from self-growth to just feeling happy by doing the work.
- Empathy:
Empathy refers to the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes or being able to put yourself in another person’s situation to understand their emotions and struggles better. It may sound easy but it’s very difficult to do so. This is especially true when they have wronged you in some way, such as, your friend ruined your favourite book that you lent them, it’s not easy to understand why they did it and try to forgive them now, is it? However, those with a high EQ or emotional intelligence can try to understand and forgive their friend for the mistake. It is important to note that just because one has a high EQ doesn’t mean they always end up being understanding and forgiving. Sometimes forgiving someone may become difficult even with someone with a high EQ.
- Social Skills:
When you have a high EQ or emotional intelligence you tend to empathise with others or put yourself in other’s situations more. This makes communication with others like your friends better. Suppose when your friend apologises to you for ruining the book you lent them and you let them know why you are mad or sad about what they did but also how you understand it was a mistake and tell them how they can make it better, you establish a clear communication with your friend. And the reason why you can do so is because you can empathise with them and probably have a high EQ. Given that having a high EQ means you are aware of your own emotions and can regulate them as well, it helps your friends and other people to understand you better. Hence, having a high EQ improves your social skills.
How can I develop my EQ?
There is no assured or clear-cut way to improve your EQ as it involves your emotions and it’s not easy to understand and regulate them always. But here are a few tricks and techniques that you can use in your day-to-day life to help you improve your EQ or emotional intelligence:
- Maintain a mood journal:
The best way to identify your emotions is to maintain a mood journal. Write down what you’re feeling strongly at certain moments in the day. This will help you understand how you’re processing certain situations with certain emotions. It will increase your self-awareness about your emotions and over a period of time you may not need the journal as you can identify your emotions that well.
- When you feel negative emotions find a creative outlet:
It’s often easier to feel like crashing and throwing things or doing something destructive to yourself or others when you are experiencing a negative emotion like sadness or anger. But this is not a healthy way to cope with such negative emotions. The healthiest way to deal with negative emotions is by doing something creative or productive. Instead of throwing or breaking your new toy, you can try making a drawing or painting that shows how you’re feeling at that moment. This will help you improve your emotional self-regulation skills.
- Ask Ask Ask:
Nobody is born with a lot of empathy in them and it’s not easy to do so either. But one way you can develop empathy is by asking the other person how they are feeling and why they are feeling so. It’s only when you ask will you be able to understand them and their situation better. And gradually with time, you will be able to develop your empathy for others and get better at your social skills.
- Try to find out why you want to achieve something:
Instead of trying hard to achieve something because you will get a prize or praise, sit and think about why you want to achieve something. Do you want to score better in your exams to just receive praise from others? Or do you want to do it for the gold medal? Or do you want to do it to see how much you have improved as compared to the last exam? Try to find out why it matters to you.
Afterword
EQ or emotional intelligence is often ignored and is considered the same as IQ. Hence, many believe that if you have a high IQ then you have a high EQ as well. But it’s not always the case. EQ requires you to understand certain areas of the human mind and emotions for which there is no guidebook or proper formula. It takes time and a lot of patience but once you are able to gain a higher emotional intelligence your life becomes easier and enriching in the long run.
Editor's Pick
Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay: The Soul of Rural Bengal
Celebrating the legacy of Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay, a literary genius who brought rural Bengal to life through his words.
Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay, one of the most famous writers in Bengali literature, was born on September 12, 1894. His works, filled with a deep love for rural Bengal, have continued to captivate readers all over the world. In fact, his most accomplished work, the novel Pather Panchali or Song of the Little Road, is incredibly a lasting testimony to his genius in capturing, amidst simple and understated beauty, the struggle that characterizes the life of rural India. Put together with Aparajito, Chander Pahar, and Aranyak, his works are reflective of the unbroken spirit of humanity and nature being proximal to the molding of the human spirit.
Early Life and Inspirations
Bibhutibhushan was born in the village of Muratipur in West Bengal, eldest of five children to Mahananda Bandyopadhyay, a Sanskrit scholar, and Mrinalini Devi. His writing was influenced greatly by his father’s storytelling tradition and the observed way of life in rural Bengal. He started with schooling at the Bongaon High School and turned out to be a bright student. When he started his higher studies in Kolkata, his family could not afford enough to get him through postgraduate studies.
Teaching was a part of life that gave Bibhutibhushan an outlet to interact with the world around, and thus it also became his means of livelihood. His writings started amidst his occupation of teaching, stealing time out from a busy schedule for literature. During this time, the emotional landscapes he went through would form the backbone of his powerful stories
Literary Career and Major Works
Bibhutibhushan’s first story, Upekshita, which published in 1921, marked the beginning of his literary career. However, critical acclaim came his way only with the publication of Pather Panchali in 1928. This novel, steeped in the poverty and beauty of rural Bengal, then introduced the readers to the unforgettable character of Apu. Ever since the Apu Trilogy by Satyajit Ray hit the screen, both the novel and its sequel, Aparajito, have attained an iconic status in literature and on celluloid.
His other works concern various aspects of human experience, some of which are Chander Pahar and Aranyak; whereby in one, the tale is adventurous and the venue is Africa, while in the other, it presents a very bright picture of life in forests in Bhagalpur. Indeed, in each of his stories, Bibhutibhushan showed an unrivaled art of portraying the intricacies of human emotions intermingled with nature.
Impact and Legacy
Bibhutibhushan acquired respect beyond Bengal mainly because his characters and settings evoked profound emotional responses. His stories, set in a realistic rural India, remain an appeal toward universality with strands of poverty, hope, and human endurance.
Filmed versions of Satyajit Ray’s adaptations from Pather Panchali, Aparajito, and Apur Sansar brought international recognition to Bibhutibhushan’s works. Ray has once said about the author that his works are innate with character breathing life out of the pages without any physical descriptions.
He later went on to receive posthumous recognition, including that of the prestigious Rabindra Puraskar for Ichhamati, thus confirming his status as an icon in Bengali literature. His works have been translated into various languages so that his voice will continue inspiringly ring in the ears of newer generations of readers.
Remembering the Writer
Bibhutibhushan died of a heart attack on November 1, 1950, in Ghatshila, leaving behind him a legacy in the sphere of literature that has since become eternal. His residence in Ghatshila is known as Gouri Kunj, named after his wife, serving as testimony to his undying presence in Indian literature.
The creation of Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay breathes on through his readers, who catch glimpses from the simplicity, hardships, and wonder of rural life. He gave voice to those speechless people and places, and his writings remind one of the connection between humans and their environment. In his timeless way of telling stories, Bibhutibhushan created a literature that is certainly placed in Indian literature.
Editor's Pick
Conquering Anxious Attachment: A Guide to Security
Understand the markers of having an anxious attachment style, its presentations and how to modify them effectively.
You might occasionally ask yourself,
Why do I act this way?
Why am I so affected by my connections with others?
Why do I approach my relationships the way I do?
Why do I behave differently with my closest person?
Why am I so attached to them?
Why is conflict with my partner so difficult to handle?
The root of all these questions lies in your attachment style. Understanding your attachment style is key to any interpersonal relationship, as these patterns of behaviour form during early childhood and impact how we connect with others in our later life according to the attachment theories by Bowlby and Ainsworth. These attachment styles stem from our early interactions with our primary caregivers, usually our parents. How they respond to our needs shapes our attachment style and sets expectations for future relationships. Knowing your attachment style is essential for understanding your behaviour with others. Offering insight into how others perceive you, and fostering better communication with your loved ones. There are four attachment styles developed by Ainsworth which we practice effectively till today as well- Anxious, Secure, Disorganised and Avoidant.
Here we understand the crux of an anxious attachment style, its characteristics and how to modify this style.
What is an anxious attachment style?
Anxious attachment style, also known as “preoccupied” attachment, is a pattern of relating to others characterised by a fear of abandonment, a strong need for closeness, and emotional dependency on relationships. This attachment style develops in childhood if caregivers are inconsistent in their emotional availability or responsiveness. People with this attachment style often feel insecure about their relationships, fearing that their partner or loved ones may leave or not love them as much as they need. Some of the characteristics of this attachment style are of
- constant reassurance and validation
- worrying excessively about the intentions of others
- clingy or possessive
Indicators of this style are the characteristics but how they are presented to the outside world. These often show up in relationships and how a person manages emotional connections. Some of the indicators of having an anxious attachment style are:
Fear of abandonment
Fear of abandonment is the constant fear, anxiety or worry that your partner or close ones will stop caring about you. It is triggered on instances where you think the other people do not meet your needs. Here is an example of this. Alana recently got into a relationship and finds it extremely hard to part ways with her partner. She constantly worries that her partner will leave her for another person. She hence manifests this fear into the excessive need for reassurance that they will not leave her, checking her partner’s phone and also jumping to conclusions.
Fear of being alone
People with an anxious attachment style often have a profound fear of being alone and jump into relationships often. You might feel incomplete or uncomfortable without a romantic partner or close relationships. Prerana is a young woman who is competent in her career and has absolute trust in her colleagues but she has an extreme fear of being alone and manifests this quality as being in a toxic relationship detrimental to her mental health. She expresses to her therapist that she handles the aggressive behaviour of her partner because of the fear of being alone. She chooses to stay in an unhealthy relationship because of the fear of being single or alone. Often she tolerates this behaviour she wouldn’t otherwise to maintain the connection.
Overanalysing interactions
This is an important aspect of the anxious attachment style. You might end up reading too much into small things like texts or tone of voice and interpreting neutral or ambiguous behaviours as rejection or disinterest. You may sometimes dwell on minor things objectively, like how long it took for your partner to respond to your message, or interpret neutral actions (like a casual remark or change in body language) as major signs of disinterest and rejection.
It is often observed that these behaviours can cause a cycle in relationships where the partner feels overwhelmed by the anxious person’s demands for closeness. This can further intensify the anxious person’s fears and emotional reactions.
How do we modify?
While we have come to understand the markers of an anxious attachment style .We also need to acknowledge the detrimental effects it can cause to ourselves and others around us. Here are some of the ways you can improve to form a much more secure bond with your partner and other close relationships:
Build
Self-awareness is one of the pillars of knowing yourself. Recognising repeated patterns and recognising that you have this attachment style can instil a change in you to start to understand yourself and change accordingly. An advice around this modification would be to notice when situations trigger your feelings of anxiety or fear of abandonment. Reflecting on these triggers can help you understand their roots and help you work towards the goal of having a positive experience in relationships. A therapist can help you understand the origin of these triggers and help you manage them effectively.
Develop
By building self-awareness and recognising patterns and triggers, you are understanding the context behind your actions. The next step would be to develop a few techniques that can help you manage and cope with your triggers. A few of the techniques that can help you achieve your goals are developing self-soothing techniques, practising mindfulness and using positive self-talk. Self-soothing techniques like relaxation techniques (JPMR, guided imagery, deep breathing, meditation) can help you stay calm and relaxed after a trigger has intensified your emotions. Practising mindfulness techniques can help you achieve the goal of staying in the present moment rather than focusing and ruminating about the past or the future, this is an effective way to help you cope with anxiety-related thoughts. Positive self-talk is an important booster of confidence. Statements like “You can handle it”, “It’s okay to feel this way, let’s try to manage it”, “You have people who love you around you” and many more can create a great sense of confidence to be instilled within yourself.
Practice
After understanding yourself and further understanding what type of technique works best for your anxiety, the next step would be to practice these steps every time an anxiety-inducing situation appears. It is apparent to acknowledge that change is a gradual and slow process so clouding yourself with the perception that your attachment style will change after using these steps once or twice is a misguided perspective to hold. However small and consistent efforts to practice these steps and also seeking professional help can lead to more secure and fulfilling relationships.
In conclusion, the Anxious attachment style is rooted in early childhood experiences and becomes more important to address considering the challenges it presents to yourself. Markers of this attachment style include constant reassurance and validation, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, overanalysing interactions, clinginess and overbearing and many more. Since these actions lead to a cycle where the partner becomes overwhelmed by the anxious partner and also intensifies the reaction of the latter, certain modifications can be made to reach a level of security. These modifications are building self-awareness, developing techniques to manage these reactions and practising them effectively.
Editor's Pick
Pages: A Time Halted In The Past
Pages by Bidyut Bhushan Jena is a ride through various emotions, memories and nostalgia. Hang tight while we marvel over this piece of work!
Poetry is like a forest of mystery. Out of all the different forms of writing it’s poetry that is the hardest to master and easiest to decipher. It’s easy to decipher as at the end of the day one tends to unravel the mystery behind those few words based on their own experiences and situation. There is obviously a side that the poet wants you to see, but there is also a side that you perceive which is equally unique. It is often hard to understand what the poet is trying to say given we may at times don’t even live in the same era. But a poet who masters the art of expressing what they wants while also giving you the space to explore your perspective is truly a genius. Let’s look through the pages of one such genius, Bidyut Bhushan Jena and his debut poetry collection, Pages.
Pages: A Closer Look
Consisting of just over 100 pages, Pages is a collection of poetry that is bound to take you on a trip down memory lane. It is especially true for those hailing from the state of Odisha but stranded on different shores all over India. As a poet, Jena explored the concept of joy, happiness, nostalgia and even death in depth. Each piece in Pages seems to be an etching from the poet’s life. A raw piece of memory carved out with very little fine-tuning that gives it its iconic flair.
Many may object to the rawness of the themes and imageries portrayed in Pages, but personally, I feel that it is this rawness deprived of any refinement and polish that makes this one of the greatest works by this poet. The writing will remind you of Plath given that it is a form of confessional poetry and is heavy with imagery. For an Odia soul stranded in the middle of nowhere these imageries act like a blueprint of home. As a poet, Jena has given his readers what they want the most, i.e., a sanctuary.
The words carry a deeper undertone that can only be truly cherished when one immerses oneself in the pages of Pages. From reminding the reader about a time when “sandhya aarti” was sacred to any Odia kid to talking about age-old buildings and trees that carry the nostalgia and playfulness of days gone by, Pages, though deeply rooted in the customs of Odia culture, manages to carry a universal tone with its metaphors and images that bring to halt a moment in the past. And that’s the brilliance of Jena’s work.
Afterword
Pages by Jena is a book that is packed with nostalgia and emotions that run deeper than any memory. From reminding you of the gentle easy days of the past when loving someone just required you to fall for someone for who they are and life was not so complicated as you waited for your father to return back from work with treats at hand and a broad smile on his face, to delving into the darker side of life that is death and coming to terms with it, Pages is a book for a day when you just want to sit back and enjoy the act of reading.
Editor's Pick
World Suicide Prevention Day: A Collective Call to Action
Trigger Warning: This post discusses sensitive topics like suicide. Please read mindfully and refrain if you’re not ready.
World Suicide Prevention Day is annually observed by people all around the world on September 10th. This day brings home the fact that within scary numbers of deaths by suicide are real lives, families, and communities considerably and deeply affected by this issue. WSPD is an opportunity for reflection, awareness and most importantly, to prevent suicide and support those in need.
Global Context of Suicide
According to the WHO, every year, almost 700,000 people die by suicide, and many more attempt it. Suicide is a significant public health problem and has remained one of the leading causes of death among people aged 15-29 years worldwide. These figures represent only the tip of an iceberg. For each death by suicide, hundreds of people suffer severe psychological, emotional, and social impacts. Such extreme measures have consequences in that families and societies are battling to come to terms with grief, confusion, and possibly feelings of guilt that may follow, many times at a loss as to how to go further.
The Theme: Creating Hope Through Action
The theme for World Suicide Prevention Day, “Creating Hope Through Action,” will be immediately linked to a message that suicide is preventable, and each one of us can play a part in that process. Whether through giving a listening ear, reaching out to someone in distress, or raising awareness of mental health issues, any action has the potential to save a life. It is also a call for building resilient support systems and access to mental health resources wherever people are.
Recognising the Warning Signs
Early identification of warning signs and timely intervention are among the best ways of preventing suicide. These include warning signs in the form of emotional, verbal, or behavioural warnings:
a. Sudden loss of interest in social activities or any relationship
b. Increased use of substances or self-harm behaviour
c. The feeling or talking about hopelessness or burdening others
d. Extreme mood swings or changes in behaviour
e. Talking or writing about death or suicide
It also needs to be pointed out that these signs could even differ from one individual to another. This is where recognition and taking proactive steps by reaching out and offering support can make a difference.
Breaking the Stigma Associated with Mental Health
One of the significant reasons taken into consideration in suicide prevention is the stigma surrounding mental health. Suicidal ideation and mental illness are more likely to connote feelings of shame or hesitation to seek help among people because of their judgment by society. This stigma deters candid communications and results in individuals failing to pursue the care they desperately need.
These will go a long way in ensuring that the stigma is reduced because mental health is talked about with an open mind and without any judgment. Public campaigns, media engagement, and educational programs light up avenues that normalise seeking mental health and encourage people in struggle to seek support.
The Role of Communities
Communities are at the heart of efforts to prevent suicide. Communities develop a culture in which openness, support, and compassion increase to try to minimise suicidal thoughts and feelings of isolation and give reasons to live. Communities can raise awareness of problems associated with mental health issues, enhance resilience, and ensure that resources like hotlines, counselling services, and support groups are readily accessible.
They can also be provided through local organisations, schools, workplaces, and faith-based groups by creating safe spaces where people are heard and valued. Such settings offer an open avenue for them to discuss their problems and access the help they need.
What Can You Do?
Though broad-scale prevention methods are critical, all of us can play our part in preventing suicide. Following are a few ways one can help create a big difference:
1. Listen: If anyone is distressed, empathise with them. Sometimes, your presence can help people come out of their suicidal thoughts.
2. Seek help: If you know someone who shows suicide warning signs, get them professional help: a mental health professional, helpline – whatever may be the need.
3. Raise awareness: Participate in WSPD events, share mental health resources via social media, or simply bring up discussions of mental well-being amongst your networks.
4. Support survivors: If people have lost their loved ones to suicide, give them space to grieve and heal. Sometimes, your mere presence counts, even in complete silence.
Moving On
World Suicide Prevention Day reminds us that suicide is not inevitable. Most suicides can be prevented through raising awareness, reducing stigma, and taking collective action. Whether offering a kind word or advocating for systemic change, every action counts.
By creating hope through action, we can take further steps toward supporting those in need and also foster a society that prioritises mental health, hope and allows no man to feel alone in their struggle.
Editor's Pick
Mpox: What You Can Do To Keep Yourself Safe
Do you know the difference between a bacteria and a virus? What about Mpox? Is it a virus or a bacteria? Read on to know more.
With the recent advancement in medical technology, we hope to find a cure for all illnesses be it because of bacteria or viruses. But in the meantime, while we search for a cure for even the common cold there are many sicknesses spreading around us that we must remain aware of. Being aware is as good as having the Doraemon’s magic pocket, you may not always need all the gadgets or in your case the knowledge of particular illnesses, but if you ever need it you can always look back to that knowledge and feel prepared. One such illness that has been on the rise recently is Mpox or Monkey Pox, let’s find out more about it.
Mpox: What is it?
Mpox is a virus which is a member of the Orthopoxvirus genus. A virus is different from bacteria as bacteria can be cured easily with antibiotics and the illness that a bacteria causes is called a bacterial infection. But when it comes to viruses they are hard to treat and the illness that they cause is called viral infection. As they are hard to treat, they are allowed to run their course and fight with your body’s immune system until they lose. Though there are some antiviral medications available for certain viral infections like HIV, for most viral infections there is no medication as such. Your common cold is considered a viral infection hence usually the best cure for a common cold is to rest up and let your body fight it. On the other hand, tetanus is a bacteria that you can fight with, with a tetanus shot.
The particular genus or family the Mpox or monkeypox virus belongs to was also responsible in the past for the spread of cowpox and smallpox. The reason it is called monkeypox is because it was first discovered in 1958 in monkeys. But unlike the name suggests this virus can attack both humans and animals and hence we need to be more careful. Some of its symptoms such as headache, fever, exhaustion, and muscle aches can be confused with other viral infections. But one of the most noticeable symptoms of this disease is the appearance of rashes. The rashes first look like flat lesions or like a patch of red on your skin, that develops into a blister and then a scab. This is the most important marker of the disease.
Mpox: How do I protect myself from it?
Mpox can only be transmitted via direct contact with the infected person’s or animal’s rash or their bodily fluids like saliva, blood, etc. It can also be transmitted via air through respiratory droplets which are released when you cough, sneeze, talk or breathe hard, hence taking important precautions is of utmost importance. You can do the following to protect yourself from Mpox:
- Maintain Good Hygiene:
Always ensure to wash your hands before and after you eat with soap and water to ensure that all the germs from your hands are dead. Whenever you visit very crowded places remember to come back and change out of your clothes and clean the exposed parts of your body with soap and water to prevent contamination. Whenever you are visiting crowded public places like gyms be sure to wipe the surface of gym equipment with wet tissue before using them.
- Love Animals But Don’t Catch Mpox:
We all love to give our furry buddies all the love in the world but remember that loving them is fine but do it with caution. Mpox virus is mostly spread through rodents (such as rats, hamsters, squirrels, guinea pigs, etc.) and primates (such as chimpanzees, gorillas, monkeys, orangutans, etc.) in areas where the disease is already on the rise like Africa, hence be careful when coming into contact with animals in those regions.
- Take Your Vaccine Shot:
Remember to take your due vaccine shots such as JYNNEOS or ACAM2000 to ensure that you are fully prepared and protected from Mpox. Needles hurt but also save lives so close your eyes and imagine you are in your happy place and it will make the entire vaccination process a little easier.
- Keep Yourself Away From People Who Have Caught Mpox:
Sometimes the best way you can take care of someone is by staying away. Hence, let the doctors who are much more experienced handle the situation while you keep yourself healthy so that when the time comes you can help out as much as you can. Do not share beddings, clothing, towels or personal items with someone who has Mpox. And disinfect surfaces and objects that may have been contaminated with antiseptic lotions like Dettol.
- Improve Your Immunity:
Given that viral infections fight with their immunity it’s important to build a strong immune system. By eating a balanced diet, getting a good 7-8 hours of sleep and being active through various activities like exercise, dance, etc. you can ensure that your immune strength is at its best all the time.
Stay safe so that you can ensure somebody else’s safety tomorrow.
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