Did you know that you can be the smartest person in the room intellectually but also be the dumbest in reading “emotional cues”? Emotional cues refer to hints or signs about how someone is feeling and behaving appropriately. For example, if your friend is not feeling good you will try and ask them if they are okay, did something happen, etc. instead of jumping around and talking about yourself. Although you may think that it is natural, you will be surprised as to how many people still fail to understand others and why they do certain things such as when you are unable to understand why Nobita helps Gian even after he hurts him in Doraemon. This is where emotional intelligence or EQ comes into the picture.
What is EQ?
EQ stands for emotional quotient. It refers to your level of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to a state where you can not only understand your own emotions and process them but also put yourself in somebody else’s place, see things from their point of view, and understand their emotions. Unlike IQ, EQ is usually assessed through self-report questionnaires, behavioural assessments, and peer reviews, which often focus on how one interacts with others and handles emotions. There are five key areas under EQ, they include:
- Self-awareness:
It refers to your ability to be aware of what you are feeling and accept it. If you’re not happy over something that someone has done to you, you understand that you are feeling the emotion of sadness and accept it. Being aware of your emotions and what you are feeling is the first step in gaining a high EQ or emotional intelligence. Sometimes you can even feel two or three or more emotions at the same time. Such as in the previous scenario, if you’re not happy with what someone has done to you, you may feel sad and angry at the same time.
- Self-regulation:
Right after awareness comes regulation. It does so happen that sometimes you may feel an emotion very strongly. Let’s understand this with an example, suppose you’re mad that your friend didn’t come to play with you in the evening you may feel so angry that you would want to throw certain things in your room. But those with a higher EQ or emotional intelligence will not act on these thoughts of throwing things in the room when they feel angry as it will not make your friend come to play. Instead, they may engage in other activities or reason with themselves to calm themselves down.
- Motivation:
More often than not we are motivated by prizes or praises that we receive from others to do better at something. It could be anything from coming first in class to drawing a very pretty picture. However, those with a high EQ or emotional intelligence are motivated to do a task well because it makes them happy or fulfils some of their own internal goals. These goals can range from self-growth to just feeling happy by doing the work.
- Empathy:
Empathy refers to the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes or being able to put yourself in another person’s situation to understand their emotions and struggles better. It may sound easy but it’s very difficult to do so. This is especially true when they have wronged you in some way, such as, your friend ruined your favourite book that you lent them, it’s not easy to understand why they did it and try to forgive them now, is it? However, those with a high EQ or emotional intelligence can try to understand and forgive their friend for the mistake. It is important to note that just because one has a high EQ doesn’t mean they always end up being understanding and forgiving. Sometimes forgiving someone may become difficult even with someone with a high EQ.
- Social Skills:
When you have a high EQ or emotional intelligence you tend to empathise with others or put yourself in other’s situations more. This makes communication with others like your friends better. Suppose when your friend apologises to you for ruining the book you lent them and you let them know why you are mad or sad about what they did but also how you understand it was a mistake and tell them how they can make it better, you establish a clear communication with your friend. And the reason why you can do so is because you can empathise with them and probably have a high EQ. Given that having a high EQ means you are aware of your own emotions and can regulate them as well, it helps your friends and other people to understand you better. Hence, having a high EQ improves your social skills.
How can I develop my EQ?
There is no assured or clear-cut way to improve your EQ as it involves your emotions and it’s not easy to understand and regulate them always. But here are a few tricks and techniques that you can use in your day-to-day life to help you improve your EQ or emotional intelligence:
- Maintain a mood journal:
The best way to identify your emotions is to maintain a mood journal. Write down what you’re feeling strongly at certain moments in the day. This will help you understand how you’re processing certain situations with certain emotions. It will increase your self-awareness about your emotions and over a period of time you may not need the journal as you can identify your emotions that well.
- When you feel negative emotions find a creative outlet:
It’s often easier to feel like crashing and throwing things or doing something destructive to yourself or others when you are experiencing a negative emotion like sadness or anger. But this is not a healthy way to cope with such negative emotions. The healthiest way to deal with negative emotions is by doing something creative or productive. Instead of throwing or breaking your new toy, you can try making a drawing or painting that shows how you’re feeling at that moment. This will help you improve your emotional self-regulation skills.
- Ask Ask Ask:
Nobody is born with a lot of empathy in them and it’s not easy to do so either. But one way you can develop empathy is by asking the other person how they are feeling and why they are feeling so. It’s only when you ask will you be able to understand them and their situation better. And gradually with time, you will be able to develop your empathy for others and get better at your social skills.
- Try to find out why you want to achieve something:
Instead of trying hard to achieve something because you will get a prize or praise, sit and think about why you want to achieve something. Do you want to score better in your exams to just receive praise from others? Or do you want to do it for the gold medal? Or do you want to do it to see how much you have improved as compared to the last exam? Try to find out why it matters to you.
Afterword
EQ or emotional intelligence is often ignored and is considered the same as IQ. Hence, many believe that if you have a high IQ then you have a high EQ as well. But it’s not always the case. EQ requires you to understand certain areas of the human mind and emotions for which there is no guidebook or proper formula. It takes time and a lot of patience but once you are able to gain a higher emotional intelligence your life becomes easier and enriching in the long run.
