Has it ever happened that you were at the playground and there was an uncle who smiled at you and tried to touch you in a way that didn’t feel good? Has it ever happened that you were riding the lift alone and an adult offered to give you candy in exchange for doing something that you are not comfortable with? That something can be anything from a hug to sitting on their lap. Has it ever happened that your dance teacher, swimming teacher or anyone touched you in a way that made you feel really bad? That is what we call a “bad touch.” Let’s understand it better.
What do you mean by “private parts”?
The first thing you need to understand is that everyone has something called a personal space, a space that only belongs to them. And your body is part of that personal space and belongs to only you and nobody else. Hence there are certain parts of your body that you cover up with your undergarments or a bathing or swimming suit that you refer to as private parts. These parts are not supposed to be touched by anyone barring your parents (if it is required to clean you up), or the doctor (if it is required for a medical check-up) in the presence of your parent or guardian.
But barring these private parts if ever it so happens that there are certain other areas of your body that you did not like the way somebody else touched you can call it a “bad touch” as well.
What is a good touch and what is a bad touch?
A touch refers to an act of touching something or someone. On the one hand, we have good or safe touch. A good or safe touch refers to a touch that makes you feel happy or good. For example, how do you feel when your grandparents hug you? How do you feel when your friends hold your hands while playing or put their arms around you without hurting you? You feel good, right? Hence, these are called good touches.
How do you feel in situations in which your mother or father helps you take a bath or clean yourself after using the washroom? How do you feel in situations where you visit a doctor and they touch you to do your medical check-up in the presence of your mother or father? Do you feel safe? Then this also is considered a good touch or a safe touch. A good touch refers to any kind of touch that makes you feel good or at least doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable or scared.
Bad touch or unsafe touch refers to touches that make you feel bad and uncomfortable. This could include somebody touching your private parts, hurting you by grabbing you too tightly or asking you to touch something or someone that you don’t want to as you don’t feel good about it. Whenever you are forced to touch something or someone that you don’t like or somebody touches you in a way you don’t like or feel safe with then that’s when you call it a bad touch.
What is a secret or special touch?
If you’re confused about whether it’s a bad touch or not just think about how the touch made you feel when it happened, did you feel good and safe or bad and unsafe? Did you feel confused and scared? Or happy and nice? If you feel confused and scared, then you know it’s not a good feeling and hence is a bad touch.
An important thing to remember is that whenever somebody touches you in a way that you don’t feel good about or basically a bad touch, it’s very important that you let somebody else who is older than you and you trust them, know about it. Often that person who touched you in a bad way may ask you to keep it a “secret” or call it a “special” touch, but you need to remember that it’s your body at the end of the day, if you didn’t feel good then you must let someone older to you whom you trust know about this touch.
Many times the person who touches you badly may offer you a toy or a sweet treat like ice cream, chocolate, etc. or some snack and tell you not to tell others about this “special” touch, or “secret” touch. When that happens ask yourself one thing, do you feel good after receiving such gifts from that person? Or do you feel scared and confused because of what happened? And if you felt scared and confused then how is it a gift? Whenever you receive a gift it should make you feel happy, right? But this is not making you feel happy, then it’s not nice or right. Hence let someone older than you know about this. To understand it better, let’s watch the below video:
What can you do?
When someone touches you in a bad way it’s really scary. But here are a few things you can do to help yourself:
- Say no:
Always remember if you don’t feel good, you must say no. Would you eat a vegetable if you didn’t like it? Would you continue to read a book if you did not like the story? Would you eat a vanilla cake when you like chocolate? No, right? You always manage to say what you don’t like, so do that when it comes to bad touch as well. In a very loud, clear, and confident tone, say no.
- Run away:
After you’ve said no, the safest thing to do is get away from that person who wanted to touch you badly. Hence, just like Dory from Finding Nemo once said “just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming”, you need to “just keep running, just keep running, just keep running” until you find an adult you trust or are back in your room where you can close the door or are surrounded by people who you know will help you if you ask for their help.
- Bite, scratch and run:
It may also happen that the person who wanted to touch you badly won’t let you go. That person may trap you in a room or with their arms. You may not always have a tool at hand to help you in these situations, hence use your body’s natural weapons, i.e., your teeth and nails. Bite as hard as you can and scratch as sharp as you can, this will surely surprise that other person and make them cry in pain for some time, giving you just enough time to run away from them.
- Tell an adult who you trust:
The moment you run away from the person who was trying to touch you badly, run to the adult you trust the most and tell them everything. Remember you don’t need to be scared, you didn’t do anything wrong. Asking for help is nothing to feel ashamed about. Don’t let anybody tell you that you were wrong or that you should feel ashamed. Telling an adult that you trust is a must as they will ensure that you don’t face such situations anymore. So, never hesitate to tell an adult about what happened.
Afterword
Your safety is in your hands. Whenever you are feeling threatened or unsafe, always ask for help. Unless you let others know you are hurting, how would they know when to help you? Your body belongs to you and if anybody tries to touch you in a way that doesn’t feel good run and ask for help. Lastly, remember that it’s never your fault, so don’t hesitate to tell an adult whom you trust because you think they might scold you or punish you for what happened.
