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The Silent Epidemic of Domestic Violence in India

Shedding light on the mental scars of domestic violence, its impact on families, and the stories in Indian cinema that give hope.

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Domestic Violence , Women , Children, Abuse, Survivors

Domestic violence is arguably one of the most pervasive and least reported problems across India-they know no socio-economic or cultural limits. It is a crime against humanity and generates appalling mental and physical havoc. The National Family Health Survey-5 (2019-21) revealed that nearly 30% of women in India faced domestic violence from the age of 15.

Apart from the obvious physical effects on the victims, the secondary effects of mental distress can be enormous. Depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and an impaired sense of self-worth are problems that many survivors face. Children exposed to domestic violence also find this experience devastating. Developmental delays, behavior problems, and a critical cycle of trauma may follow years into their lives.

The Mental Toll on Victims and Children

Victims: Many people suffering from domestic violence have found themselves caught in a vicious circle of confinement and loneliness; once tortured by the incessant cycle of abuse which completely broke their self-acceptance and acceptance before acquiring serious depression and suicidal thoughts-equally PTSD is seen in most sufferers as they experience flashbacks, nightmares, and emotional numbness. 

For Children: Children of domestic violence are thought to endure “toxic stress” imposed by violent households, interrupting brain development and learning to regulate emotions. They demonstrate aggression, fear, or withdrawal, which creates in them the potentiality of becoming the future perpetrators or victims of such destructive attitudes.

In Brief, Some Films Making Commentaries on Domestic Violence in Indian Cinema

1. Darlings (2022)

Darlings is a dark comedy-drama, in which Alia Bhatt plays the role of a domestic abuse survivor and bears witness to a journey both melancholy and hopeful. It is a dripping amalgamation of sorrow and humor that prints both the cycle of abuse as well as the case of stepping out of abuse. The portrayal is unwarrantedly heightened and takes on a participative and energetic canvas shining the torch toward social attitudes toward abuse and the necessity for empowerment and justice.

2. Thappad (2020)

Anubhav Sinha’s Thappad glorifies domestic violence through the eyes of a lone slap. Touching upon the apathy with which men treat domestic violence as trivialized, illuminating the story of Amrita portrayed by Taapsee Pannu as she makes her mind to walk away from her marriage while questioning societal norms that trivialize domestic violence. This work, which constitutes striking commentary on dignity and self-respect, begs the audiences to fathom what they accept in a relationship.

3. Do Patti (2024)

Starring Kajol and Kriti Sanon, Do Patti shyly takes on the subject of generational trauma born out of domestic violence. Set against a somewhat rural backdrop, the movie ventures deeply into the choices women face when trapped in patriarchal dominance and social judgment. The haunting frames along with an empowering narrative further amplify the voices of survivors demanding justice. 

  1. Legal Provisions:
    • Indian Penal Code (IPC):
      • Section 498A: Punishes cruelty by a husband or his relatives with imprisonment up to 3 years and a fine.
      • Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act (PWDVA), 2005: Offers civil remedies like protection orders, residence rights, and monetary relief.
    • Section 304B IPC: Addresses dowry deaths, prescribing imprisonment of 7 years to life.
  2. Mental Health Helplines:
    • iCall (TISS): +91 9152987821
    • SNEHI: +91 9582208181
    • NIMHANS Helpline: 080-4611000

Why Stopping Domestic Violence Matters for Everyone

Domestic violence is not a private affair- it is a social issue. Taking a stand against it may be the first step in curing the men behind the women. Attacking any domestic violence issue at its source requires accountability from the perpetrator and understanding why a self-destructive act has been perpetrated against an innocent person. Often, many perpetrators have unrelated channels of anger, some past history of trauma, or the belief that life is based on power and the control of others. If such instigations can be addressed through therapy, courts, and rehabilitation, our communities can start to consolidate better families free of violence.

Encouragement should for once be for women to break; they have to speak out. This first necessary step would free them from a life akin to a dented can, getting the safety they and their kids deserve. Silence gives way to barbarity and, no more essentially, the belief that violence is justifiable or indeed tolerable. Reporting abuse will protect them and open the eyes of many others on how to do so themselves.

Why Women Should Speak Up

For the purpose of mental and physical well-being:

The effects of domestic violence will be seen on the physical and mental health of the victim or survivors. Speaking up allows victims more medical, legal, and emotional support they need.

For the sake of the children and their future:

Keeping silent about abuse exposes children to a toxic environment. Breaking the silence will therefore break the cycle of violence with commensurate effects on the children’s upbringing.

For meaningful societal change:

Survivors breaking the silence chip away at the culture of silence and stigma surrounding domestic violence; they loudly convey that it is no longer acceptable to inflict violence on others.

For justice for survivors:

Other than through the legal channels, speaking out leads to holding abusers accountable, either because of social consequences or personal shame, hence reducing future violent interactions with others.

It is by talking that she poses her banner for change and saves lives. Finding a voice for these survivors and holding out for a just and punitive ambiance against assailants will decisively steer society towards gaining ground against this contagious menace. 

HeARTful Living

Why Indians are Facing Burnout and Don’t Know It

We call it dedication. Our bodies call it a breakdown. Here is why we’re hitting a wall called burnout we can’t even see.

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Burnout, work, week, stress, decision

Burnout has become the epidemic of our time. People around the world (especially in urban areas) are currently undergoing emotional depletion due to the high levels of job and family pressures from long work hours. Several studies show that burnout is related to poor mental health, so anything that contributes to high levels of daily stress will eventually lead to burnout, especially if people don’t know how to recognise and deal with it. Additionally, many people have experienced difficulty concentrating or staying focused on tasks due to these feelings. The word “burnout” is not recognised in many cultures; therefore, the symptoms and consequences of burnout will continue to go unrecognised and unacknowledged.

Why We’re Blind to the Burn

Since we were raised in a society where hustling and working hard have been instilled in us since kindergarten, and we are taught not to take time to rest because it is seen as a sign of laziness, it creates a mode of being hyper-vigilant. Our minds are always on the lookout for something that will threaten us – an angry boss, a missed EMI payment, or a disappointed parent. Because of this way of living for so long, we do not realise how burnt out we really are. Instead, we take being exceptionally tired as a regular part of adulthood in India.

Being constantly connected to everyone through WhatsApp. In many countries, your house is usually a place of comfort and rest. In India, however, you are connected to everyone through the same medium of WhatsApp: your work, your bosses, your aunts and uncles, your friends from school, everyone! There is no escape from this digital world where everyone is trying to reach you.

The Science of Why You’re “Glitching”

Fatigue is not just a state of mind but the result of the body’s physiological condition. Constant stress causes an interruption in the production of serotonin (the “happy” chemical) and results in cortisol being released into your brain.

This can cause the brain’s prefrontal cortex (the area in charge of decision making) to fail, leading to “decision fatigue.” Do you remember times when making even a simple decision, like whether to order daal or sabzi, made you emotional? It is not that you were overreacting; instead, your brain had reached its limit in terms of decision-making ability.

Minor Fixes for a Heavy Life

You don’t need a three-week vacation in Bali to fix this (though that would be nice). You need “micro-interventions.”

1. The “Nothing” Minute

Set a timer for 60 seconds. Sit. Don’t check your phone. Don’t plan dinner. Just feel your feet on the floor. This tiny “buffer” tells your nervous system that, for one minute, you are safe.

2. Sunday Night Reality Check

Instead of scrolling through reels until 1:00 AM, ask yourself: What drained my battery this week? If it was a specific meeting or a particular person, plan a “protection” for next week. Perhaps that means keeping your camera off during the meeting or refraining from checking your phone for an hour after the call.

3. The Digital Sunset

We are the only generation in history that takes its “stressors” (phones) to bed. Try a “Digital Sunset” at 9:30 PM. Put the phone in a drawer. Read a physical book or talk to your family. It sounds old-school because it works.

The Bottom Line

Rest isn’t a reward for hard work. It’s the fuel that makes the work possible. We need to stop acting like being “exhausted” is a badge of honour. It’s okay to say, “I’m burnt out.” Once you name it, you can actually start to fix it.

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HeARTful Living

Why Being a Creative in India is Emotionally Expensive

Understand the struggles and depths of being a creative, especially in India!

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Creative, India , Artist. Expression , Life

Being a creative in India is often romanticised: the imagined life of a free-spirited artist, the joy of self-expression and the thrill of “doing what you love.” But behind evocative art, soulful music, thoughtful writing and innovative design lies a less discussed reality— the emotional cost of choosing creativity as a vocation or identity in a society that still prizes conventional security over artistic exploration.

   In this article, we unpack the emotional terrain that creatives in India must navigate— examining pressures, sacrifices, internal conflicts and societal expectations that shape a deeply personal yet collective experience.

The Pressure to Conform: Tradition v/s Passion

In India’s social fabric, careers in engineering, medicine, law and business are so often considered the safest routes to stability, respect and familial pride. Creative fields like writing, painting, filmmaking, dance, theatre, music are still frequently seen as hobbies rather than viable professions.

   This societal lens creates early pressure for many:

  • Dismissal of creative pursuits as impractical.
  • Family expectations of “real jobs”
  • Comments like “art won’t pay bills” or “do it as a side thing.”

Such attitudes can erode self-belief and make creatives constantly feel they must justify their choices emotionally and financially.

Emotional Labour Beyond Art

Creativity demands vulnerability, dredging up feelings, experiences, fears and contradictions to create something meaningful. But emotional labour isn’t confined to artistic process, it extends to:

  • Selling and promoting your work.
  • Networking in socially competitive spaces.
  • Facing constant comparison.
  • Managing criticism, feedback and rejection.

   Every creative endeavour comes with self-doubt and in an environment where practical success  narrowly defined, this self-doubt can deepen into anxiety, burnout or even identity crisis.

Financial Instability: Anxiety in the Unknown

Financial insecurity is a tangible stressor:

  • Irregular income streams.
  • Freelancing without safeguards.
  • Low pay for creative work in early stages.
  • Reluctance of brands and institutions to fairly value artistic labour.

Unlike structured jobs with fixed pay, creatives often juggle multiple gigs, side hustles and uncertain project fees. This uncertainty not only affects lifestyle but also emotional well-being, leading to chronic stress and exhaustion.

Loneliness and the Myth of the “Struggling Artist”

Creatives, especially writers, painters and digital artists can find themselves working in isolation. While solitude can be productive, prolonged social disconnection may lead to:

  • Feelings of inadequacy.
  • Lack of peer support.
  • Difficulty separating self-worth from output.

   This stereotype of the “solitary creative genius” compounds these emotions, making it harder to seek connection or support when stress intensifies.

Recognition and Validation: The Waiting Game

In a populous nation with rising access to digital platforms, the competition for attention is fierce. Even high-quality work can go unnoticed amid noise. Creatives often grapple with:

  • Waiting years for recognition.
  • Algorithm visibility dictating worth.
  • Comparisons with peers who “made it” faster.

This emotional rollercoaster can lead to imposter syndrome, chronic impatience or identity loss— feeling that if success doesn’t arrive, the work somehow lacks value.

Navigating Family, Society and Identity

India’s closely knit family systems are both a support and a pressure point. Families may love and encourage creative expression but still push for safety nets:

  • “Do your art but finish your degree first”
  • “Get a job and then think of art”
  • We’ll support your creativity if you’re financially secure.”

This conditional encouragement can leave creatives stuck between love and obligation, leading to guilt, internal conflict or a sense of divided identity.

Coping Strategies: How Creatives Stay Grounded

Despite these emotional costs, many creatives find ways to sustain themselves, both artistically and mentally:

Community and Connection

Finding peers, collaborators or mentors who understand the emotional load helps us reduce isolation.

Structured routines 

Balancing creative work with daily stable routines builds psychological safety.

Reframing Failure 

Seeking rejection as a part of growth, not a verdict on worth, helps preserve resilience.

Emotional Awareness 

Being mindful of emotional highs and lows and seeking therapy, support groups or creative circles when needed, builds emotional strength.

Redefining Success in India’s Creative Landscape

Success for a creative person in India can no longer be measured solely by fame or financial reward. Instead, meaningful measures include:

  • Sustainable creative practices 
  • Emotional well-being.
  • A community that values work over stereotypes.
  • Authentic self-expression.

As India’s cultural industries evolve, through digital platforms, indie publishing, online galleries, film festivals and art residencies, there’s an expanding space to honor creative work and emotional integrity.

   Being a creative in India is emotionally demanding, marked by societal expectation, financial uncertainty, persistent self-evaluation and the pain and joy of translating inner life into outer expression. Yet for many, the emotional cost is interwoven with profound fulfilment, an identity rooted in truth, purpose and connection.

   Amid challenges, the growing community of Indian creatives is reshaping narratives, carving spaces and redefining what it means to live and thrive as an artist.

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HeARTful Living

The Anxious Child: When Worry Becomes a Way of Life

In this articlen you can understand the depths of anxiety in children, especially in India, and how you can effectively help them

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Children, anxiety, worry, Indian, questions

Some children worry loudly. They ask many questions, seek reassurance and cling to adults when they feel unsure. Others worry quietly. They follow rules, stay alert, avoid trouble and appear “mature for their age”

   In Indian homes, anxious children are often praised. 

“She’s so responsible.”

“He thinks too much— very intelligent.”

“She never creates problems.”

   But beneath this calm exterior, many children are carrying worries far bigger than their age. Anxiety doesn’t always look like fear or panic. Sometimes, it looks like obedience, perfection and silence.

   This article explores childhood anxiety in everyday Indian settings, how it forms, how it hides and how adults can gently respond before worry becomes a lifelong burden. 

Anaya’s Story

Anaya was eight years old and rarely complained. She woke up on time, completed her homework without reminders and never argued with adults. Teachers admired her. Relatives praised her. 

   But every night, Anaya struggled to sleep. She worried about forgetting her books, disappointing her parents or making mistakes at school. If her mother seemed tired or upset, Anaya immediately assumed it was her fault. 

   One afternoon, when her mother was late picking her up from school, Anaya sat on the steps holding back her tears. “What if something happened because of me?” she thought.

   In counselling sessions, Anaya said softly: 

“I just want everything to be okay. I don’t want anyone to be upset because of me.” 

   Her anxiety wasn’t about one incident. It was about carrying too much responsibility too early. 

Why Anxiety is Rising in Children 

Childhood anxiety today isn’t caused by one big event. It grows quietly through daily experiences. 

In Indian families, several factors contribute:

High expectations– Children feel pressure to perform academically, socially and behaviourally.

Emotional sensitivity to adults– Children often absorb parental stress, even when it’s unspoken. 

Fear-based discipline– Warnings like “Something bad will happen” teach children to expect danger.

Early exposure to adult worries– Conversations about finances, family conflict or societal fears are often overheard. 

Children learn to stay alert, careful and prepared for the worst— not because they want to, but because they feel they must.

How Anxiety Shows Up in Children

Anxiety doesn’t always look like crying or refusal. Often, it hides behind “good behaviour.”

You may notice a child who:

  • Overthinks simple decisions.
  • Seeks constant reassurance.
  • Apologies excessively.
  • Struggles with sleep or stomach aches.
  • Fears making mistakes
  • Feels responsible for adult emotions
  • Avoids new situations

These children are not weak. They are hyper-aware.

The Psychology Behind Childhood Anxiety

Children’s brains are still developing their emotional regulation systems. When they sense instability or high expectations, their nervous system stays in a constant state of alert.

Psychologically:

  • The amygdala (fear centre) becomes overactive.
  • The child’s sense of safety depends upon external approval.
  • Mistakes feel dangerous rather than normal.

Anxious children often grow into anxious adults because they learned early that the world is unpredictable and their role is to manage it. 

What Doesn’t Help (Even Though It Sounds Reassuring)

Well-meaning adults often say:

“Don’t worry.”

“It’s nothing.”

“You’re thinking too much.”

When Helps an Anxious Child Feel Safe 

Not a checklist, just gentle shifts:

  • Predictability: Clear routines help children stay grounded.
  • Emotional permission: Let children say, “I’m scared” without correcting them.
  • Modeling calm: Children borrow emotional cues from adults.
  • Separating responsibility: Remind children that adult problems are not theirs to solve.
  • Celebrating effort rather than outcomes: Reduce fear of failure. 

Most importantly, children need to hear: 

“You don’t have to hold everything together.”

Helping Children Name Their Worries

When children can name what they’re feeling, anxiety loses some of its power.

Instead of asking:

“Why are you like this?”

Try:

“It sounds like you’re worried.”

“That must feel heavy”

“I’m here. You don’t have to hold it alone.”

Language creates safety 

When to Seek Support

Occasional worry is normal. But support may be needed if anxiety:

  • Interferes with sleep or appetite 
  • Affects school attendance
  • Causes frequent physical complaints
  • Leads to withdrawal or constant fear

Seeking help is an act of care.

Anaya needed assurance that she wasn’t responsible for everything around her. Anxious children are responding to a world that feels too demanding, too uncertain or too heavy, rather than “overreacting”. When adults slow down, soften expectations and create emotional safety, children learn a powerful truth:

The world doesn’t need them to be perfect. It just needs them to be children.

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HeARTful Living

The Chemical Brain: Vitamin D And Mental Health

How low vitamin D quietly affects mood, mind, and body—and why awareness, testing, and care matter more than we think.

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Vitamin D , deficiency, diet, mental, health, lifestyle, the chemical brain

When considering matters of mental health, stress, trauma, hormones, and/or serotonin and dopamine may come into focus. However, an essential but often overlooked element in maintaining good mental function is vitamin D, which is surprisingly vital regarding how our brains function—the “sunshine vitamin,” which acts more like a hormone than a vitamin in our bodies. In adults, a deficiency in this vitamin can have a subtle impact on our mental health.

This is where the role of a chemical brain comes into play. Our thinking, emotions, sleep cycles, and levels of energy are all fueled by chemical messages. Vitamin D is a nutrient in our bodies that, when lacking sufficient vitamin D, can affect brain function.

What Is Vitamin D and Why Is It Important?

Vitamin D is a critical factor in calcium absorption, but this vitamin does more than support bone health. Here are some other functions of vitamin D in the human body:

Brain function and regulation of mood

Immune system balance

Muscular strength and energy

Hormonal regulation 

Receptors of vitamin D have been discovered in a variety of regions in the brain associated with emotions, such as regions related to both depression and anxiety. Therefore, deficiency can have a direct impact on our feelings.

Vitamin D Deficiency and Mental Health in Adults

For adults, vitamin D deficiency has been associated with:

Depression: Feeling sad, not being motivated, not feeling emotions

Anxiety: Feeling anxious, agitated, and easily startled

Brain fog, which can include symptoms such as difficulty focusing and forgetting

Sleep Problems: Poor Sleep Quality and Daytime Fatigue

However, this does not mean a deficiency of vitamin D can cause mental illness. Still, it can aggravate an existing condition and delay recovery if people have existing mental health issues.

One major challenge is that symptoms can be relatively non-specific. Some adults may attribute fatigue, a poor mood, or irritable symptoms to work overload, ageing, or lifestyle factors, especially if they live in an urban setting where life is fast-paced.

The Reasons Behind  Vitamin D Deficiency

Ironically, vitamin D deficiency is prevalent in countries with abundant sunshine, such as India. Some such reasons include:

Long hours inside or in front of screens or working night shifts

Air pollution is impeding adequate exposure to sunlight

Use of sunscreen without supplements

Dietary styles with less vitamin D-rich food

Due to the slow onset of symptoms, a deficiency can go unnoticed for years in people affected by it.

Other Health Outcomes Excluded in Mental Health

A deficiency in vitamin D affects not only the brain. A vitamin D deficiency can also lead to:

Bone pain, Back pain, Frequent fractures

Muscle weakness or cramping

Poor Immunity & Repeated Infection

Chronic Inflammation (or chronic bodily stress)

Higher chances of developing diabetes and cardiovascular diseases

Inflammation

 Inflammation remains a consideration in this context. Chronic or persistent inflammation can impact both physiological and psychological well-being, leading to a predisposition to feelings of depression, tiredness, or struggles in focusing.

Sunlight: Useful, but not One-Size

Sunlight is considered the most natural source available for producing vitamin D. For people who can tolerate exposure to sunlight, brief exposure to early morning sunlight, preferably on the arms or legs, can be very beneficial.

However, not everyone reacts well to exposure to the sun.

For people who:

Suffer from migraines precipitated by bright light

Have skin sensitivity or medical conditions

To be advised to avoid sun exposure, one must consult a physician for treatment instead of relying on sun exposure. 

Measures may include:

Oral vitamin D supplements

Dosages adjusted based on Blood Levels

Sunscreen, sun hats, sunglasses, and shaded areas

Using sunscreens and taking vitamin D supplements can coexist safely if they are used correctly.

Foods rich in vitamin D include: 

While diet alone can never compensate for a deficiency, it can be an essential supplementary tool. Foods high in vitamin D include:

Egg yolks

Fatty Fish (Salmon, Sardines, Mackerel, Tuna)

Cod liver oil 

Vegetables like palak ( spinach), kale, broccoli, bhindi, pumpkin, turnip greens, bok choy, and collard greens are rich in calcium and magnesium, which support bone health and vitamin D function, but not vitamin D sources 

Mushrooms that are UV-treated or Sun Exposed 

Fortified milk, curd, and plant-based milk

Fortified cereals and oils

In India, dietary practices include a lot of vegetarians in their population, making supplements a necessity when they are in low amounts.

The Importance of Blood Tests and Medical Advice 

One of these steps is testing. A simple blood test called 25-hydroxy vitamin D can accurately check your levels. Taking self-supplements without prior tests is not advised. Excessive intake of vitamin D can also be poisonous. A doctor can assist in interpreting your levels correctly, prescribe the correct dosage and duration of treatment, and develop a treatment plan tailored to your health needs. Finding a way to address a possible deficiency in vitamin D can be a good ancillary treatment when dealing with depression, anxiety, or chronic fatigue in adults. 

Closing Thoughts: Small Molecule, Big Impact 

A deficiency in vitamin D brings to mind how our mental health is not simply an emotional or mental state but a very biological and chemical process inextricably linked with our bodies. A problem such as a nutritional imbalance can quietly affect our thinking, feeling, and coping. Awareness, screening, medical advice, and sound lifestyle decisions can make a big difference. In taking care of your chemical brain, sometimes it’s necessary to focus on the smallest molecules.

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HeARTful Living

When Children Grow Up Compared

Understand the depths of what a small phrase can do–“Look at him”, “She did better” and more and how it impacts the children.

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Comparison, children, failure, Indian , parents

In countless Indian living rooms, small conversations create big wounds. “Look at your cousin, so responsible”, “Your friend scored more than you”, “Why can’t you be more like them?”

   Parents rarely intend harm. For them, comparison is motivation, a push toward discipline, or simply a habit inherited from their own upbringing. But for a child, comparison isn’t encouragement, it’s erasure. It teaches them that who they are is never enough, and who someone else is always better. 

   In this article, we explore how comparison shapes a child’s mind, why is it so deeply embedded in Indian culture and the emotional impact it leaves behind, often lasting well into adulthood.

Zoya’s Story

Zoya was 12 when she began silently dropping her test sheets into her school bag. She wasn’t failing, she was doing well in most subjects, but every time she brought her marks home, her parents compared her score to her brother’s or her cousin’s.

   One day, when her mother asked, “Only 92? Aisha got 97”, Zoya felt something break inside her. “I don’t know why I even try,” she whispered to her friend later. It wasn’t the marks that bothered her, it was the message: someone else’s success was more valuable than her effort.

   Her teacher noticed Zoya becoming quieter, avoiding group activities and refusing to participate in competitions. In counselling sessions, Zoya admitted: “I’m scared to try anything now. Because no matter what I do, someone will be better.”

Why Comparison Is So Common in Indian Homes

Indian culture is deeply collective, families share resources, pride and reputation. I’m such systems, a child’s achievement reflects on the family, often making comparison feel natural. 

Three cultural forces quietly fuel in it:

Inter-generational habits

Parents compare because they were compared.

“Look at your brother,” becomes an echo of “Look at your neighbour’s son,” heard decades earlier.

Fear of Failure 

Parents believe comparison will push children to do better, not realising it usually creates pressure instead of progress.

Social Storytelling

A child’s achievements are shared proudly in WhatsApp groups, apartment communities and family gatherings.

This keeps the “race” alive.

Comparison becomes so normal that children start comparing themselves even when no adults are watching.

How Comparison Affects Children Emotionally

The psychological impact isn’t loud, it’s quiet. It shows up subtly, slowly and deeply.

  • Low Self-Worth: Children begin equating their values with numbers, ranks or applause.
  • Fear of Taking Risks: They avoid new activities because failure feels dangerous.
  • Resentment Toward Peers or Siblings: Children may develop silent anger toward the ones they are compared to.
  • Chronic Stress and Perfectionism: They push themselves to exhaustion trying to meet ever-shifting standards.
  • Loss of Identity: Children stop asking, “What do I like?” and start asking, “What will people say?” 

Comparison doesn’t build excellence, it builds insecurity.

The Psychology Behind It

Human beings naturally seek belonging and approval. When children receive affection only when they perform well, their brains learn a painful rule:

“Love must be earned.”

This keeps them in the lifelong cycle of seeking validation— through marks, achievements, relationships or careers.

From a psychological lens:

  • Self-Determination Theory shows that autonomy (freedom), competence and belonging are key to motivation. Comparison suppresses all three.
  • Social Comparison Theory explains that constant upward comparison harms self-esteem and increases anxiety. 
  • Attachment Theory indicates that conditional praise leads to insecure attachment styles.

Children raised in comparison often grow into adults who fear judgement, struggle with confidence and define themselves through others’ opinions.

Signs a Child Has Internalised Comparison 

Few reflections a parent can observe:

A child who hesitates before showing their work.

A child who apologises for small mistakes.

A child who hides their interests because they “aren’t good like others.”

A child who stops competing because someone “will always be better.”

A child who overachieves but smiles less and less.

   These are not signs of laziness or attitude, they are signs of emotional suffocation.

What Helps a Child Break Free?

Healing from comparison doesn’t mean eliminating standards or expectations. It means changing the language of motivation.

Here are a few gentle shifts:

  • Replace “look at them” with “Look at how far you’ve come.”
  • Replace “be like him” with “Be the best version of you.”
  • Replace “Why can’t you?” with “How can I help you?”
  • Replace ranking with celebratory effort.
  • Replace competition with curiosity

Children blossom where they feel seen, not measured.

Rebuilding what Comparison Damages

Parents can repair emotional safety by creating an environment where:

  • Mistakes are normal.
  • Effort is valued.
  • Each child’s personality is nurtured.
  • Siblings are not benchmarks 
  • Talents beyond academics are respected.
  • Preferences aren’t dismissed as “useless”

Children who feel safe to be themselves don’t grow up entitled. They grow up confident and emotionally grounded.

   Zoya did not stop trying because she lacked potential. She stopped because she was tired of living someone else’s version of success. 

   Comparison is not the language of love, it is the language of pressure. Indian households don’t need less ambition, they need gentler ambition, one where children rise not out of fear but out of self-belief.

   When a child learns they are enough, not better than someone, not worse than someone, but enough, they begin to grow without limits.

   Because the goal of childhood is not to win a race. It is to discover who they are. 

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