Editor's Pick
Breaking Free: Escaping the Perfectionism Trap
Caught in the perfectionism trap? Explore the art of harmonizing ambition and self-compassion in a world that demands flawlessness.
We’ve been celebrating success and achievement for centuries now. But the other side of it all can push many beyond healthy ambition. The Perfectionism Trap ensnares many and blurs the lines between ambition and self-compassion. Striking a balance between striving for excellence and embracing self-compassion is crucial for mental well-being.
Let us explore the perils of perfectionism and the liberating journey toward a healthier mindset.
Often mistaken as a positive trait, perfectionism can lead to chronic stress, anxiety and even burnout. We delve into the roots of perfectionism through this article and its impact on mental health and practical strategies to escape its trap.
Understanding perfection is an unattainable goal is the first step. Accepting mistakes as opportunities for growth builds resilience and self-compassion. Self-criticism is the biggest contributing factor to perfectionism traps topped with societal pressure.
Yet the words we say to ourselves break us more than anyone else. Self-criticism is very detrimental to ourselves.
Detrimental Effects of Harsh Self-Criticism
Self-criticism can lead to increased levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Constant negative self-talk creates a negative mental environment, undermining overall psychological well-being. Constant self-criticism erodes self-esteem making individuals doubt their abilities and worth. This may hinder personal development and prevent us from pursuing goals due to the fear of failure. Harsh self-critics often develop perfectionism tendencies, setting unrealistic expectations of themselves. This fear of falling short can lead to procrastination, avoidance and a perpetual sense of inadequacy. Harsh self-criticism can also impact relationships as individuals can project their negative self-perceptions onto others. Prolonged exposure to stress from self-criticism can contribute to physical health issues like sleep disturbances and weakened immune function.
Societal Pressure
Societal pressures, aided by social media, academic expectations and cultural norms, often propel individuals towards perfectionistic tendencies. The relentless chase for flawlessness and achievements creates an environment where people feel compelled to meet unrealistic standards. Fear judgment and the desire for external validation contribute to the perfectionism trap, creating a constant need to outperform and conform, This societal pressure to be perfect can lead to stress, anxiety, and a pervasive fear of failure. Acknowledging and challenging these societal expectations is crucial in fostering a healthy mindset that values authenticity and personal growth over unattainable ideals.
Ambition and Self Compassion
Balancing ambition with self-compassion involves actionable steps for a harmonious journey. Setting realistic goals is paramount, enabling steady progress without overwhelming pressures. Self-care should always be prioritised for a resilient foundation, nurturing mental health and emotional well-being amid ambitious pursuits.
Celebrating small victories becomes a vital practice, offering moments of acknowledgment and encouragement. This delicate equilibrium acknowledges the pursuit of excellence while embracing the human aspect of setbacks and imperfections.
The practical steps create a supportive environment and relationship between ambition and self-compassion, allowing individuals to face challenges with grace and appreciate the evolving journey toward personal and professional aspirations.
In Pursuit of Breaking Free
Breaking free from the perfectionism trap is a liberating experience of self-discovery and resilience. It involves letting go of unrealistic expectations and standards, embracing imperfections, and fostering self-compassion. The pursuit of perfectionism often leads to adverse effects.
By acknowledging that it’s okay not to be perfect, we can free ourselves from the shackles of self-criticism and judgment. Cultivating a compassionate inner dialogue is a key step toward escaping the perfectionism trap. This journey empowers individuals to live authentically, appreciate their uniqueness, and find fulfillment in the process rather than an unattainable outcome.
Editor's Pick
The Psychology of Procrastination: Why We Do It and How to Stop
Why do we procrastinate? I’m sure you would’ve thought about it often. Understand the psychology behind it and tips to overcome it effectively
Procrastination— most of us have felt its familiar pull. That looming task, whether it’s a report, household chore, or important conversation, seems to grow larger and heavier the longer we put it off. Yet, we avoid it, convinced that “tomorrow” will be a better day to start. But why do we procrastinate? And more importantly, how can we stop? Here’s a deep dive into understanding procrastination, why we do it, and practical strategies to tackle it head-on.
Why we Procrastinate: The Psychology Behind It
Psychologists have long studied procrastination, often linking it to emotional regulation and self-perception. Although we might assume that procrastination stems from laziness, research reveals it’s more closely related to negative emotions and beliefs we hold about ourselves and the tasks at hand. When we procrastinate, we often avoid the uncomfortable feelings a task triggers, such as anxiety, fear of failure, or self-doubt. Here are some psychological factors that contribute to procrastination:
Emotional Avoidance
Procrastination is often a response to negative emotions associated with a task. According to Dr Tim Pychyl, a psychology professor and leading procrastination researcher, people delay tasks as a way to avoid feelings like frustration, anxiety or boredom. This delay provides temporary relief but exacerbates stress later, creating a cycle of avoidance and guilt.
Fear of Failure and Perfectionism
Psychologist Dr. Joseph Ferrari suggests that the fear of failure and perfectionism are common among chronic procrastinators. Perfectionists may avoid starting a task because they fear their work won’t meet high standards, while others avoid tasks altogether to sidestep potential disappointment.
Temporal Discounting
From a cognitive psychology perspective, procrastination can be explained by temporal discounting, the tendency to value immediate rewards more than future benefits. For instance, putting off studying for a test to play a video game brings immediate enjoyment, even though studying would be more beneficial in the long run. Our brains prioritise short-term rewards, making it easy to choose distractions over responsibilities.
Task Aversion and Motivation
Self-Determination Theory (SDT), proposed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, explains that intrinsic motivation— doing something because we find it interesting or enjoyable— is crucial for overcoming procrastination. If a task lacks personal meaning or aligns poorly with our values, we’re more likely to put it off.
Self-Criticism
Procrastination can fuel a cycle of self-criticism and low self-esteem. The more we avoid tasks, the worse we feel about ourselves, which leads to further procrastination. Psychologists call this “self-handicapping”, a way to protect ourselves from the possibility of failure by creating an external reason (lack of preparation) for it.
Practical Strategies to Overcome Procrastination
Now that we understand the psychological drivers behind procrastination, let’s explore strategies for overcoming it, grounded in psychological research.
Break Tasks into Smaller Steps
The idea of tackling a large project all at once can feel overwhelming, leading to task aversion. Cognitive Behavioural psychology suggests that breaking down tasks into smaller, achievable steps reduces anxiety and makes a project feel more manageable. By completing these smaller steps, we build momentum and feel more in control.
Practical Tip: Focus on one small step at a time. Instead of thinking, “I need to finish the report”, set a goal to write just today’s introduction.
Use the “Two-Minute Rule”
Behavioural psychology highlights the power of starting small to build positive habits. The “Two-Minute Rule” encourages you to start a task you’ve been putting off for just two minutes. This approach capitalises on a psychological phenomenon called the Zeigarnik Effect, which states that people are more likely to complete a task once they’ve started it.
Practical Tip: Commit to spending just two minutes on a task. You’ll likely continue working once you’ve started, overcoming the initial hurdle.
Set Realistic Deadlines and Prioritise Tasks
Time management theory suggests that procrastinators often have trouble prioritising and setting realistic deadlines. Creating a structured timeline and focusing on one priority at a time reduces feelings of overwhelm and allows you to make steady progress.
Practical Tip: Use the Eisenhower Matrix, a tool to categorise tasks by urgency and importance, helping you to focus on what truly matters and avoid time-wasting tasks.
Challenge Perfectionism with “Good Enough” Thinking
Cognitive psychology links perfectionism with procrastination, as perfectionists may fear starting tasks due to potential mistakes or flaws. To counteract perfectionism, embrace “good enough” thinking, which helps you take action without becoming paralysed by the need for flawlessness.
Practical Tip: Set a time limit for a task, allowing yourself to move on once the time is up. Aim for progress, not perfection.
Reward Yourself for Completing Tasks
According to behavioural psychology, rewards reinforce behaviour. You train your brain to value completing tasks by associating positive outcomes with productivity. Rewarding yourself can be an effective motivator, especially for tasks that lack intrinsic enjoyment.
Practical Tip: Plan small rewards for completing each task, such as a five-minute break or a favourite snack, to reinforce your productivity.
Practise Self-Compassion
Dr Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion suggests that being kind to ourselves in moments of struggle reduces procrastination. Self-compassion allows us to view mistakes as learning opportunities instead of failures, which reduces the emotional barriers to starting and finishing tasks.
Practical Tip: Replace self-criticism with supportive self-talk. Instead of saying, “I always mess things up”, try “It’s okay to make mistakes; I’ll keep going and improve.”
Understanding the Benefits of Overcoming Procrastination
Overcoming procrastination is more than just meeting deadlines or checking things off your to-do list. It can lead to a range of benefits:
- Reduced Stress: Procrastination often leads to last-minute rush, which can cause stress. Tackling tasks earlier allows you to work at a manageable pace, reducing anxiety.
- Improved Self-Esteem: Each time you overcome procrastination, you build confidence in your abilities, which helps break the cycle of self-doubt.
- Greater Productivity: By working more efficiently and prioritising effectively, you can accomplish more in less time.
- Better Relationships: Procrastination can strain relationships, especially if others are depending on you. By being proactive, you’re likely to build trust and reliability.
Breaking the cycle of procrastination takes patience and practice, but the rewards are significant. Each small step forward builds confidence, reduces stress, and makes tackling future tasks easier. Embrace self-compassion, challenge perfectionist tendencies, and remember that every little bit of progress counts.
Procrastination may feel inevitable, but with an understanding of its psychological roots and right strategies, you can overcome it. Embrace progress over perfection, practise kindness toward yourself, and enjoy the satisfaction of getting things done.
Editor's Pick
Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel: The Iron Architect of India’s Unity
Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel’s grit and strategy unified India, merging over 550 princely states into a mighty nation.
Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel (1875–1950) was a towering figure in India’s history, for he cemented the unity of free India by integrating more than 552 princely states into the Indian Union. However, India had become free in 1947; Goa, Daman, Diu, and a few other territories were joined later. Patel’s bold diplomacy was the base for a united India, and his tireless effort to consolidate the country earned him the title “Iron Man of India.” Mahatma Gandhi inspired Patel, and his journey was marked by an unwavering resolve to serve India, even amidst challenges from monarchies, local rulers, and ideological groups.
Early Life and Education
He was born on 31 October 1875 at Nadiad, Gujarat, into a family of Leva Patidar farmers. His father, Jhaverbhai, was an army man of the Rani of Jhansi, and his mother, Ladbai, was very religious. His early education was in Gujarati medium schools, which soon shifted to English studies. He passed high school in 1897. In 1910, he travelled to England and studied law at the Inns of Court, returning to India in 1913 to practice law in Godhra, Gujarat. His excellent sense of the law and judgment brought him lucrative offers from the British, yet he declined these offers; he opted to resist colonialism.
Leadership
His first critical involvement in the independence movement came when he led the Kheda Satyagraha in 1918 through a “No Tax” campaign for farmers devastated by floods. In recognition of his efforts to rally the masses, Patel was called the “Sardar” by women from the locale. Later, he championed the cause of the Non-Cooperation Movement undertaken by Gandhi and travelled to India, raising funds and furthering the message of freedom.
Patel played pivotal roles in the Bardoli and Borsad movements, campaigning militantly against unfair British taxation. In 1930, he was sent behind bars for participating in the Salt March of Gandhi; his incendiary words during the Salt Satyagraha motivated the Indians to action. Patel spearheaded the movement in all Gujarati areas on behalf of Gandhi, who himself was arrested. Later, he was made President of the Indian National Congress in 1931. There, he started making it ready for the coming time of a secular nation and declared human rights and humanity’s freedom.
Role to Unite India
Patel became the Deputy Prime Minister and Home Minister after India achieved independence in 1947. He took up the challenge of integrating more than 550 princely states by touring and negotiating with regional rulers. Many states joined without a fight, but not all: Hyderabad, Junagarh, and Jammu & Kashmir, for example. Through a mix of negotiations and strategic military action, he brought these territories into the Indian Dominion.
Patel created the base of the administrative structure in India, and has been a great success. He favoured establishing the Indian Administrative Service (IAS) and the Indian Police Service (IPS). Patel also knew that solid governance had to be kept in mind to stabilise the newly formed nation. It included the development of infrastructural facilities, too. For example, the ancient Somnath Temple was restored and rebuilt, but foreign invaders destroyed it.
Principals
Mahatma Gandhi enjoyed a peculiar relationship with Sardar Patel, who was entirely in harmony with Gandhi’s philosophy of non-violence and Satyagraha. He was one of those leaders with no ideological differences from other leaders like Nehru; he put national amity above personal ambition. Sardar Patel had already withdrawn his candidature for Prime Minister at the behest of Gandhi, which is testimony to his amity commitment. He even, when criticised, backed the Quit India Movement in 1942, which had made him imprisoned for three years.
The assassination of Gandhi in 1948 was a great shock to Patel and caused him much pain. He later explained a heart attack he suffered as grief over the loss of his mentor. Patel’s relationship with Gandhi greatly influenced his political thinking, leading him through the freedom movement and the trying times of independence.
Legacy and Passing
Late in 1950, Patel’s health began to deteriorate. He died on 15 December of the same year. His legacy is firmly etched in the annals of India’s history. He is the “Iron Man” who visioned, led, and pragmatically built modern India. Uniting the country after gaining freedom and establishing a robust administrative structure is a testimonial to his dedication and commitment.
Today, Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel stays in the hearts of every person as the epitome of strength and unity combined with patriotism. Statues and memorials recall his works to inspire coming generations to understand the importance of national integration and respect towards his idea of a progressive, economically stable India.
Editor's Pick
Unplugged: Navigating Social Media Anxiety
Why do I care so much about Social Media? Here is your guide to understand social media anxiety and help you cope with it.
In today’s digital world, social media has become nearly inextricable from daily life, especially for emerging adults (those aged 18 to 29). This demographic has seen rapid integration of platforms like Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Snapchat and many more into their routines, often using them for networking, keeping up with friends, entertainment and even professional advancement. However, as much as social media can enhance connectivity, it can also increase anxiety and impact mental health in profound ways.
What is Social Media Anxiety?
Social media anxiety stems from a variety of factors, including the pressure to maintain an idealised online persona, comparison with others, and the constant urge to stay connected. For emerging adults, the impact can be particularly significant as they navigate self-identity, career paths, and relationships. The anxiety associated with social media can manifest in symptoms like FOMO (Fear of missing out), obsessive checking of notifications and self-esteem issues driven by comparison. Research shows that the more time young people spend on social media, the more likely they are to experience increased levels of anxiety, loneliness and even depression.
What are some factors contributing to Social Media Anxiety?
Comparison Culture
Social media often highlights the best parts of people’s lives, from vacations to career successes to relationships. This “highlight reel” can easily lead to feelings of inadequacy when compared to one’s life, potentially leading to feelings of jealousy, low self-esteem and self-criticism.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
FOMO can intensify social media anxiety, leading individuals to check for updates and notifications to avoid feeling excluded obsessively. The constant need to stay updated and relevant can create feelings of stress and inadequacy.
Perfectionism and Online Persona
Many emerging adults feel pressured to curate a version of themselves that fits societal standards of success and happiness. When reality doesn’t match up with this ideal, it can lead to anxiety, as one feels they aren’t living up to the standards they present to the world.
Cyberbullying and Negative Interactions
Online harassment and negative interactions have become unfortunately common, impacting emerging adults significantly. This can lead to feelings of rejection, isolation and anxiety which may be difficult to overcome without proper coping mechanisms.
Addictive nature of Social Media
Social Media is designed to be engaging with notifications, likes and comments, creating a cycle of reward in the brain. Emerging adults can find themselves spending excessive time on social media, which can reduce their real-world social interactions and increase anxiety levels over time.
Signs of Social Media Anxiety
Social media anxiety can manifest itself in subtle and overt ways. Some common signs include:
- Constantly checking notifications or feeling restless without a device nearby
- Negative self-talk and comparison to their online
- Feeling overwhelmed by FOMO or needing to be “in the loop”
- Avoiding social media altogether but feeling isolated or anxious about missing out
- Decreased self-esteem or self-worth tied to social media interactions or online validation
What are some strategies to cope with Social Media Anxiety?
Mindful Social Media Use
Practising mindfulness with social media can help emerging adults become more aware of their feelings while online. Take note of when negative feelings arise while scrolling through content, and use that awareness to limit exposure to triggering content. Being intentional about social media use can minimise its impact on anxiety.
Limit Screen Time
Setting boundaries around screen time can be highly effective. Many devices and apps allow users to set daily usage limits for specific apps, which can help emerging adults avoid the “scrolling trap”. Designating certain times of the day to check social media, such as once in the morning and once in the evening, can also help regain control over online time.
Curate your feed
Emerging adults should consider unfollowing accounts that make them feel inadequate, anxious and angry. Following accounts that promote positivity, self-care and mental well-being can improve the quality of one’s feed. This meant mental health advocates, wellness coaches, and support groups share content that can be empowering and comforting.
Focus on Real-life Connections
One of the most effective ways to counter social media anxiety is to prioritise real-life relationships. Meeting friends in person, engaging in hobbies, and participating in social activities outside of social media can provide a sense of fulfilment and reduce the need for online validation. Real-life interactions also allow emerging adults to build social skills and deepen personal connections
Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to be self-critical when comparing oneself to others online. Practising self-compassion, being kind and understanding towards oneself in moments of perceived failure or inadequacy, can help to counteract this tendency. This might include journaling positive affirmations, meditating on one’s strengths, or talking to oneself as one would talk to a friend.
Develop a Balanced Perspective
Social Media often distorts reality, but being aware of this can help lessen its impact. Reflect on the fact that everyone experiences struggles and that people are unlikely to show care failures or mundane aspects of life on social media. Developing a balanced perspective allows emerging adults to remind themselves that what they see online is a limited view of reality.
Seek support from Mental Health Professionals
For emerging adults who struggle to manage social media anxiety on their own, reaching out to a mental health professional can be beneficial. Therapists can help with cognitive-behavioural strategies to shift thought patterns and group therapy may offer a safe space to connect with others experiencing similar challenges.
The Role of Digital Detox
A “digital detox” or taking a break from social media entirely, can help reduce social media anxiety. Shirt detoxes like turning off notifications over the weekend or more extended breaks, like a week-long hiatus, can give emerging adults space to reconnect with themselves without the constant pressure of social media. A digital detox can also provide insights into how social media affects mental health, potentially encouraging more mindful usage when they return.
Social Media Anxiety is a modern phenomenon, impacting emerging adults at a time in their lives when they are working to establish their identities, values and relationships. Understanding the roots of this anxiety, recognising the symptoms, and adopting strategies to cope can foster healthier social media habits and enhance mental well-being. By being mindful, setting boundaries, and seeking support when needed, emerging adults can create a balanced relationship with social media, one that supports rather than detracts from their well-being. In a world that encourages constant connectivity, a little distance from the digital world can go a long way in nurturing mental health.
Editor's Pick
“The Goddess Who Wants Out” by Kritika Pandey
An intimate tale of friendship’s beauty and fragility, “The Goddess Who Wants Out” explores growing up, growing close, and growing apart
“The Goddess Who Wants Out”, published in the Bombay Literary Magazine in January 2020, tells a beautifully woven narrative based on the intricacies of a childhood friendship that grows and then changes over time. Given that the story is about Ela, it develops the deep bond she enjoyed with Niranjana and the friendship that felt as intuitive as family but was still strained by their diverging paths as they navigated from youth to maturity. Through the beauty of poetic prose and the senses, the author brings to life the joy, heartbreak, and complexity that define the relationship between them and the reader, offering a glimpse into the bittersweet evolution of two lives once so closely entwined.
One of the story’s most striking aspects is the way it captures the contrast between Ela and Niranjana’s upbringing and hints at the differences that will eventually separate them. From the beginning, the story throws us into a world of parallel lives: Ela’s cosmopolitan background contrasts with Niranjana’s more rooted, traditional upbringing. As the two move through the ups and downs of their adolescence, they encounter parental expectations, societal norms, and individual insecurities—tensions seamlessly woven into the narrative. This involves colourism, academic pressure, and issues regarding body images that create a basis for their relationship and would most likely make it realistic and complex.
Such sensory language infuses the story with vividity, drawing readers to step into the world of Ela and Niranjana. School lunch textures we feel through our senses, petrol intoxicates during rebellious youth activities and warmth friction all combine for them in their typical space. Sensory riches enhance storytelling and help illustrate the layers of a relationship that have a tangibly physical and emotional element to the tie.
Meanwhile, all this gentle mischief from one to the other lies beneath the sadness in this tale and is punctuated by episodes that tell of the scars each carries. One moment of quiet turning point came about when Ela took from Niranjana a question paper for the board exams—a subtle act of betrayal telling us of far weightier ways they would one day drift apart. As they age, the underlying tension and their relationship veers towards moments of unsaid space and miscomprehensions. It was mighty when Ela washed Niranjana’s clothes. A small gesture of lingering affection and nostalgia remained unsent through Niranjana’s negligence, without Ela having anyone to appeal to her connection. This silent, one-sided act says much about how their relationship has changed in ways neither can fully repair, though she still loves him.
“The Goddess Who Wants Out” also feeds off its quiet, pointed commentary on the social pressures that shape both girls’ expectations of academic success and family values defining who each girl is and what she will do. In one beautiful metaphor, their stargazing together through a telescope becomes a metaphor for their relationship: looking at life from each other’s perspective, even if they cannot inhabit it fully. Their shared evening under the stars is an almost fleeting, almost celestial moment, encapsulating the intensity and fragility of their friendship.
This is a sensitive, layered portrayal of a friendship tested by time and life’s pressures. Through Ela’s observant and emotionally honest narration, the story becomes a celebration of the beauty and transience of childhood connections. In that light, “The Goddess Who Wants Out” resonates as a poignant reminder of how, despite our most substantial ties, life leads us down different paths, bearing memories of love, loss, and simple magic in our hearts.
Editor's Pick
The Mental Health Boost of Standup Comedy
How standup comedy offers more than laughs—it provides a path to mental wellness by releasing tension, stress, and anxiety.
At its core, standup comedy aims to make people laugh; however, it also has the profound ability to heal. Often, it is not only the comedians but also the audiences who share a cathartic release from life’s stressors through laughter. Notable mental health benefits can be associated with the spontaneous release of humour, providing a unique and socially engaging form of therapy.
The Science Behind Humor and Healing
Evidence demonstrates that laughter releases endorphins, one of the body’s naturally produced “feel-good” hormones, which may cause better moods and decreased pain perception. Humour is one of those collective settings where stand-up performances can reduce cortisol, letting off stress and anxiety by its presence. Due to timing, storytelling, and relatability, the variability in standup can keep audiences on high alert, giving an emotional release or taking a person’s mind away from his tension.
This comedy can, therefore, be a mental escape for subjects suffering from depression and anxiety; this temporary mental space might provide refuge from loneliness and make one feel like part of human nature. Real-life problems and sensitive issues find a way to appear on the comedian’s stage with a light-hearted touch, which is fresh air for the audience, making them take their problems in a less daunting light.
Standup Comedy: The Therapeutic Mode of Self-Expression
Many comedians find performing standup cathartic, a healthy outlet for self-expression, and a place for discussing private problems with social acceptability and transmuting bad experiences into something that others will laugh at, curbs those impulses and brings one back in control of pain-producing situations.
In addition, standup comedy fosters a sense of bonding and community. In the laughter of an audience, people come together to enjoy something funny and build a sense of acceptance and camaraderie among them. For those living in total isolation or self-doubt, such a collective experience can be beneficial.
Comedy Clubs and Mental Health
Comedy clubs and open mics can be used as a type of amateur support group; many comedians and even listeners find solace in the shared laughter. Increasingly, comedy spaces host nights centred around mental health, providing a space for connection about relatable, mentally health-oriented humour. Shows help people feel seen and understood, giving them the strength of knowledge that they are not alone.
The Acceptance of Humor as a Means to Wellness
Of course, standup comedy can’t replace therapy, but its benefits to mental well-being are undeniable. For those seeking an accessible, enjoyable way to de-stress and improve their mood, attending or even participating in standup can provide a meaningful boost.
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